Watching Tight Trouser Tease got me thinking about bodies; my body, others’ bodies and just how much we are up against in terms of understanding and accepting our bodies. In this film, Pandora talks about the changes to their body during pregnancy and how delightful it has been. It led me to a few questions, the most challenging of which was: If loving our bodies is good for us, as we can hopefully all agree it is, why then do we appear to be in an almost global crisis when it comes to physical self esteem?
There is a lot of talk about bodies in media and culture right now, from censorship to sex work, to reproductive rights, gender autonomy, body image, and let’s not forget the age old debate of Fit v. Fat. Our bodies are constantly under scrutiny. One would think that with the world at large so up in arms about who can do what with their body, and the unreasonable “norms” we are expected to conform to, that we’d be kinder to ourselves in light of all that negativity. Sadly, these wounds run deep for so many, and getting out from under that systemic microscope can be a significant challenge.
Like many, I have personally been on a crusade to heal and improve my self-image of my body. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I have definitely picked up some jewels of wisdom along the way. Everyone’s path is different in this regard, but here are some reminders and strategies that I have found useful in navigating “body positivity”:
Habits are hard to change, but not impossible
Our words and actions are more powerful than we sometimes realize. One way in which this seems almost universally true is self-talk. If every morning while you brush your teeth you stare into the mirror and tell yourself how good, miraculous and worthy your body is, and how proud you are of all it accomplishes, you will inevitably be able to better embrace and accept your body than if you scowl and criticize and bully yourself.
But here’s the rub: that’s so much easier to say than do. It takes awareness, commitment and dedication to change those inner monologues. Be gentle with yourself. If you catch yourself being harsh, ask yourself if you’d say those same things to a friend or family member? You deserve the same respect you give others.
My body does an awful lot for me, and I bet yours does too. Sure, mine doesn’t rock climb or run very fast, it’s soft where it’s told it should be firm, but it’s mine, and I’m grateful for it. Health, disability, past trauma and how you were raised to feel about your body can all contribute to not feeling very grateful for the body you have.
An interesting and eye opening exercise is to literally take stock of your body and find all the reasons that it’s so great. Start at your feet and work your way up, finding positive things to say about as many parts of yourself as you can without solely acknowledging how things look. I don’t love the aesthetics of my legs, for example, but telling myself that they are too short and thick to be sexy won’t help me feel good about myself. Noting that they are strong and they take me places and allow me to do the things I love to do, makes me an ally of my legs. Suddenly we are on the same team - and I have bestowed value on them that is not just about how they look.
Bodies are ever-changing … and that’s a good thing!
If you stopped reading this article and looked at your body right now, you would find that much like all other bodies, regardless of size, fitness, wellness, etc, your body is constantly in flux. Our bodies are not static. They are ever changing, and forever giving us new and important information. It is easy to slip into thinking that the iteration of our body that we used to have when we were younger, or the body we could have if only we stopped eating dessert, are superior to the bodies we have right now. But if you wish that you could love your body more, you have to start loving it now. That sounds reductive and oversimplified, but it’s true.
How? Meet yourself, and your body, where you are.
If you want to make changes, do. Or not! But I can tell you this: it’s easier to change your body if you already love it before you ask it to change.
Take your body where it is appreciated
Working on your own body acceptance and celebration is a worthy effort, and something that can be very inspiring to those around you. But if you are met with hostility or resistance from others, or you’re simply tired of being caught up in someone else’s thoughts and feelings and projections about their own body, you owe it to yourself to manage your exposure to those sources of negativity. In short, don’t let anyone derail your efforts or convince you that you are any less worthy than you believe you are. If someone in your life is unable to be respectful and keep their negative comments to themselves, take your body where it is appreciated.
Being able-bodied, fit, thin, beautiful, etc. is not your cost of admission to a fulfilling life. You don’t owe anyone anything in terms of how your body looks or works. The more you believe that the less they can impact you with their own miserable agenda.
For most of us, it is a long and circuitous road to body acceptance and body love - but every journey begins with a single step, and only you can know what it is that you need to navigate in a world gone mad with impossible beauty standards and endless sources of shame. I’ll leave you with a quote from the groundbreaking 90’s African American girl group Salt-N-Pepa’s hit, I Am the Body Beautiful, that I have always found inspiring:
“There ain't enough words to express how I feel
I'm body beautiful, true, that's for real
Am who I am and that's all I can be
Open up your mind so your eyes can see”
The adage, ‘Necessity is the mother of invention’ came to mind for me while watching He Wouldn’t Spank Me because I absolutely relate to the plight of needing a sound spanking and not having someone to give it to me. Pandora’s monologue that opens the video plays out as a tell-all of a dud of a weekend with an underwhelming spanko. Where he has failed, Pandora ultimately triumphs by administering an impressive self-spanking, complete with hairbrush and wooden ruler to round out the variety of sensations, sounds and marks.
I myself have self-spanked on many occasions when feeling dire and desirous of that certain sort of sting, when nothing else will do, when simply touching and thinking are not enough. I personally enjoy it and find it very different than being spanked by a partner. It’s a bit of a mind fuck to strike yourself in pleasure, more so even than being struck by someone else. I suppose it’s the dual sensation of one’s bottom warming and burning with each strike, in combination with one’s hand getting more and more fatigued.
Here are 5 things to consider if you want to try a successful self-spanking:
Nothing is less sexy than getting interrupted or having to stop playing because you don’t have the right toys or tools at hand. If you’re experimenting with self-spanking, plan ahead so that you have the privacy (if desired) and comfort, as well as implements, that you want and need.
If you’re new to self-spanking, consider it like any other private pleasure activity: it will be better if you’re good and ready for it. Do whatever you need to get in the mood, whether that’s watching hot spanking porn like He Wouldn’t Spank Me, or any of your other favourite Dreams of Spanking pieces, a sensual bubble bath, or getting turned on with your favourite toy(s).
Take it slow
A good spanking requires some warm up, so start with small swats and taps on top of underpants or light pajamas, playing with the speed, intensity and frequency. It’s not a race, and you needn’t have a goal in mind, simply try different things and pay attention to how everything feels. Once your skin is warm to the touch, try again on bare skin.
Variety is the spice of spanking
There are so many options with spanking: under or over clothes, barehanded or with implements, hard and punishing or soft and sensual. Barehanded, with a ruler or hairbrush, like Pandora used in He Wouldn’t Spank Me or a light shoe or slipper are great household items to try. Self-spanking is a great way to explore what excites you about spanking but stick to the meaty spots like thighs and buttocks. Avoid bony places like ribs and joints, your lower back and kidneys and your spine. Self-spanking is not for everyone, so if you try it and it’s not quite right for you, that’s okay too!
After Care is Self Care
Impact play, even if it wasn’t too physically taxing, should be followed up by after care, and if you’re self-spanking that means taking time to cool down and rest a bit when you’re finished. Cool compresses and lotion can be very soothing to spanked bottoms and a cup of tea or other warm drink can help you relax and unwind.
Although entirely different, without the ritualised connection of someone else spanking you, self-spanking can be a wonderful way to experiment with your limits in spanking, both giving and receiving. Much like masturbation can help us learn about our body’s pleasure at our own pace, self-spanking can be a great way to safely learn what about spanking you like or need. As with any pain or physical play, start small and work your way up to a pleasurable level of intensity, respecting your limits and playing within them.
POV porn films are a nicely immersive experience, though most of the ones I’ve seen in the past have been aimed solely at a male viewer. I once watched something that I’m sure was filmed by taping the camera to the end of the chap’s dick, which was a little disconcerting. Part of the charm of our latest film, Spanked and Scolded by Auntie Margaret, is that it is deliberately but not ostentatiously gender non-specific. Watching this video, so anyone who likes the idea of a proper old-fashioned OTK spanking from a dominant woman can feel that they are the one being thoroughly scolded, and about to feel that mean-looking hairbrush on their bare buttocks any minute.
Pandora, in her role as strict Auntie Margaret, wears a classy vintage outfit of frilled blouse, tight pencil skirt and wide patent belt, with a pair of deliciously intimidating black-rimmed specs. She’s also wearing vintage nylons. One of the nice touches which will thrill the vintage CP lover is the sound those stockings make each time she crosses and uncrosses her legs (and yes, you do get an upskirt flash or two of stocking-top.)
Something about this film put me in mind of my encounters with the Aristasian Empire back in the 90s: an all-female crew who were dedicated to vintage values, clothing, and domestic discipline: plenty of hairbrush spankings and stern lectures on it being for your own good were on the menu there. While I’m not in the least tempted to go over anyone’s knee myself, I enjoy Auntie Margaret’s classy charm, and the mixture of scariness and underlying mischief that comes across throughout. Her smirks left me wondering whether Auntie Margaret perhaps enjoys punishing naughty nieces and nephews a little too much...
It’s a simple premise, but effective: you-the-viewer know you’ve been bad and deserve everything you’re going to get, and the lovingly-detailed description of exactly what will happen to you and just how much it’s going to hurt, enlivened with various little mimes of pulling down your underwear and laying you over her lap, builds up the anticipation magnificently. It’s well-paced, with the tension increasing at a steady rate.
The effect on anyone who identifies as a brat or naughty little is easy to envisage. Go on, just think about how red your arse will get as you lie over Auntie Margaret’s lap, held firmly in place, with that wicked brush being wielded again and again, each stroke harder than the last one…
I adore Matt Christie's photos - his gift with natural light makes every image glow, and he has created some gorgeously erotic pictures of me and my partner D. I think my personal favourite will always be Tangled With You, but I love this new gallery of Erotic Spanking photos in which D takes me over the knee. My hot topless boyfriend and a long, indulgent hand spanking - two of my favourite things!
It always feels like a treat I get a spanking from D. He knows how much it turns me on, and when he takes the time to spank me it makes me feel very loved. But that pleasure is always twinned with a certain amount of shock and indignance, because he has a hard hand - and his spankings really hurt!
He has ways of easing the pain, though. I love it when he rests a comforting hand on my back to soothe me through a series of hard spanks - but it turns me on even more when he puts a hand over my mouth to stop my cries, or reaches around to squeeze my breast.
I love that Matt Christie took the time to capture little details from this scene - like the delicate lace of my knickers, or the moment after D took them down, when they got caught hooked around my six inch stilettos.
But my favourite photo from this set is this one of me glancing up, just after a spank has landed. The look in my eyes tells you everything you need to know about how I feel in that moment.
It's easy to see that when I'm getting a bare bottom spanking over his knee, I am very much in my happy place.
In my head, I divide the scenes on Dreams of Spanking into two categories. The first is "how I play in real life". You can find scenes like this under the consensual, playful and positive tags - spanking that is fun, informal and mutually fulfilling, with people I like a lot. The other category is "what I fantasise about". These fantasies are nothing like my real life play preferences. I fantasise about serious spankings in dark, fictional contexts, often with an unwilling spankee.
My whole concept of ethical production of spanking porn centers around consent. It's very important to me that the performers in my productions have a say in what they do on camera, are treated well on the day, and come away happy. When I'm filming a fun, sexy spanking between me and my friends or lovers, this enjoyment shines through. But what if we're acting the parts of characters and creating a drama that doesn't have a happy ending?
That's where behind the scenes material comes in.
My approach to behind the scenes content is twofold. Firstly, it's important to have videos and photos available on Dreams of Spanking - and not tucked away out of sight in a members area, either, but right there on the tour pages. Performer interviews, out-takes and candid snaps all help to create transparency and honesty about the shooting process, and invite you in to watch how we made our darker, edgier scenes. Not only can you see which scenes have behind the scenes material and which don't before you join, and read a synopsis of each out-takes video, you can watch our free performer interviews in full.
For instance, The Workaholic, our latest M/F film starring Erica Scott and Paul Kennedy, has a 12 minute out-takes and "making of" video showing you the process behind the product, and a 9 minute free interview with Erica.
The Workaholic: Behind the scenes
Out-takes and making of video for The Workaholic! Shooting with a mirror in the background is not straightforward. Why didn't we just cover it? Lots of snark and giggling from Erica and Alex, scene negotiation between Erica and Paul, silly voices, and a hilarious misunderstanding that resulted in Erica stoically staying quiet during 30 seconds of hairbrushing - for no reason. Torture! But there was lots of hugs and post-scene euphoria once we'd wrapped. Erica is a true spanking star. How she took that hairbrushing while still delivering witty one-liners I have no idea.
Who doesn't love spanking out-takes? You can browse all our scenes which include behind the scenes material here.
Pandora Blake interviews Erica Scott
I was absolutely delighted to get the chance to shoot with the renowned Erica Scott in LA this year. This lady is a spanking legend! We took some time after the shoot to chat about how we met, blogging, her books, life, love and spanking. You can find out more about Erica at ericascottlls.blogspot.com.
The other element, just as important, is off-site. In my opinion one of the cornerstones of ethical porn production, the thing that makes it possible for fairtrade porn to be trustworthy and transparent, is social media. I first developed these ideas in my blogpost from 2008, Cumshots, spanking and the role of blogging in feminist porn.
For the first five years of my spanking career I was working as a performer for other producers, and if I felt uncomfortable on a spanking shoot, I know I wouldn't always have felt comfortable saying so in the end-of-day interview, where you are often expected to smile for the camera before you get paid. Blogging, on the other hand, is a different matter. I have never asked or paid a performer who's filmed for Dreams of Spanking to blog about the experience. If anyone chooses to do so, it is in their own time, and their own words. The one or two times in my career I've ever had a bad shoot experience, I didn't blog about it. I was wary of being accused of lying or causing "drama", so I kept quiet and warned fellow models away in person instead. Any performer who writes about a shoot is promoting the producer they worked with, and you wouldn't want to do that unless you still liked them.
So if you want to tell if a spanking film was produced in a fun and fairtrade way, don't take the director's word for it. Any ethical porn director will provide info about all their performers, including links to their blog, website and twitter if they have one. Click the links and read the blog posts, tweets, and facebook posts by the performers themselves.
I'm lucky that so many of my performers are enthusiastic bloggers. Erica has really out-done herself with this scene. You can read her original write-up of the shoot experience in April, written only a day later. More recently, she's also posted an announcement of the video release, a fun post about the behind the scenes video, and a new post last night linking to a new model spotlight featuring Erica Scott on The Spanking Galleries, which includes lots of previews of The Workaholic.Thank you Erica, you really are spoiling us!
Read Spanking Model Spotlight – The One and Only Erica Scott on The Spanking Galleries
God I love a good ruck. A back-and-forth row that screams passion just as much as a good shag does. If given the choice between a calm and gentle relationship with lots of cuddles on the sofa, or an angry, feisty, plate-smashing partnership, I’d definitely go for the latter.
Erica Scott and Paul Kennedy play a stunning example of that kind of heated relationship in this scene, and I can’t decide what’s better – the passion with which she begs him to give her sexual satisfaction, or the frustration she howls face-down on the bed when he responds by giving her a beating instead.
This scene was shot while Pandora was in Los Angeles, and it turns out it was a bit of a surprise one – you can read the back story here, incuding how they came up with the plot. Pandora’s really glad she got to shoot with Erica, and I reckon when you’ve watched this you’ll be delighted too!
Workaholic is not for the faint-hearted. It starts with a fairly traditional idea – the lonely wife trying to seduce her workaholic husband by dressing in deeply sexy lingerie and surprising him in the bedroom. But it quickly gets very dark, as Erica tears up her husband’s work proposal and angers him so much that only a thrashing with the leather belt will curb her rude behaviour.
There’s a glorious tension in the dynamic between Erica and Paul – we know that Erica’s frustrated, but we also know that when she impulsively rips up her husband’s work report, she’s getting herself in serious trouble. But Erica isn’t going to take her punishment without giving her husband a piece of her mind. With every smack on her bottom she’s giving angry retorts, fighting back and struggling as he pins her wrists behind her back. She might be being beaten, but that doesn’t mean she'll submit - and it certainly doesn’t mean she’s in the wrong.
Even as Paul is spanking her with a hairbrush, Erica is making her point - that’s what I mean about the back-and-forth. It’s not just a whacking in which one person dominates the other. Even as her bottom turns bright red and she squeals in outraged agony, Erica hurls witty comebacks and biting remarks at Paul to the point where he genuinely feels starts to feel guilty for neglecting her.
Since I've started working at Dreams of Spanking I've talked about ‘chemistry’ a lot. There's this idea that in porn, because people are professional performers, there can't be any real heat or passion. It's crap, of course - as you’ll know if you’re a Dreams member. While the tone and atmosphere of each scene is different, there are so many films where the chemistry between two performers just crackles off the screen. For instance, there's a similar sizzling passion in Bitch – which stars Pandora and Vix Vixxxen, and involves lots of heated kisses, slapping and hissed ‘fuck you’s.
With their angry battle of wills, Paul and Erica get you not just horny for the punishment itself (with a hand spanking and violent wooden hairbrush spanking over the knee, and a hard thrashing with the leather strap, it really is incredibly hot) but they also get you believing in the characters. I feel for Erica’s frustration, and winced when she tore up the report. And above all I was felt her genuine passion when she tried to get her husband to see her point of view.
As with many domestic disputes, there isn't any clear right or wrong here: sure, Erica’s given such a thorough beating it’ll be a long time before she destroys her husband’s work again, but I feel like Paul’s left feeling apologetic as well. There’s no clear winner in this fight (unless you count those of us who are lucky enough to watch it). But I’ll leave it to you to see if they kiss and make up at the end.
Out-takes and behind the scenes footage from the shooting of "The Seating Plan". Includes giggles and silliness, a vibrating phone interrupting proceedings, and camera woman Alex Reynolds absolutely nailing the continuity. Plus post-scene hugs!
I think my favourite moment in this is when Ten sticks out her tongue at me. Serious top is serious :)
I’ve never been someone who collects clothes, or understands exactly what to wear to show myself off. At best I’ll find a skirt that’s a tad too short - and I'll feel hot because I hope it'll ride up occasionally and show guys in the pub a bit too much - but on most days I’ll be rummaging through the washing pile just finding a top that doesn’t have holes in. But even I, as someone who is useless at dressing to impress, will occasionally find something that makes me feel so sexy I know it’s special.
A particular corset, for instance, that cinches my waist just right, or frames my chest in a way that makes me feel like a medieval tavern wench. A pair of knickers with rows of ruffles and frills that makes me want to lie face-down on the bed, bum in the air, biting the pillow and waiting for the palm of a hand to smack down, hard.
There’s no question that there are certain clothes that just make you feel different – more aware of everything around you. As if just by putting them on you’ve tapped into new feelings that you weren’t sensitive to before.
Silk does this for me, and so does lace. That smooth or textured feeling rubbing against my skin. When it's lingerie, it makes me feel very aware of wearing it - and of what’s beneath.
Admiring the beautiful photos from our new two-part lesbian spanking photoset, watching Pandora Blake and Adele Haze tease and stroke and and spank each other, I just want to rummage in their wardrobes. Those gorgeous frills and lace, the stunning vintage lingerie, each and every piece framing and highlighting their curves. To me this kind of sexy underwear whispers sensuality.
It’s excellent to see that the first comment on the first ‘Companions’ photogallery comes from someone who is a fan of attractive underwear. When Pandora first sent me the set she told me that these outfits were inspired by a particular fantasy of Adele's, and that the pair of them loved dressing up in ribbons, lace, and all the trimmings.
The actual spanking is hot too, of course - the way Pandora grips Adele's hand behind her back as she kicks, the expressions of pain and pleasure that mingle on both girls' faces when it's their turn to go over the knee. Pandora and Adele have an obvious chemistry as they caress and smack each other. But I think the spanking is only one of many things that gives these particular photos their atmosphere: the vintage lingerie is just as significant.
When I read fetish blogs and forums I see a lot of discussion of the more modern clothing fetishes: latex, rubber, leather and all that is shiny. Another commenter once mentioned that the sound of a spanking is different over tights than on the bare, and I suspect the sound factor might be a part of any other fabric fetish, too. Leather, PVC and latex certainly sound delightful when you smack them. But I know Pandora loves all things historical and elegant, and so why not pay homage to a different sort of fetish fashion? These photos are a delicious tribute to all that’s frilly and soft and vintage - those pale white gloves, those lacy knickers, the kind of underwear that makes you feel coddled and caressed.
Check out the beautiful Companions photosets – part one, in which Adele Haze gives Pandora Blake an over the knee spanking, and part two in which the spanking roles are reversed. We've talked before about the best kind of material to spank or get spanked in - but what makes you feel sexiest? Would you go for something stark and strong like leather or latex, or would you - like me - give your right arm to try on some of Adele and Pandora's gorgeous vintage lingerie?
Although Ten Amorette has appeared on Dreams of Spanking before and is well known within the spanking scene, I didn't know her until I watched The Seating Plan. I loved her confident dialogue, and the scene builds fantastically from friendly chat to firm punishment. The film opens with the ladies sitting down to discuss the seating plan at Pandora Blake's upcoming wedding to Ten's little brother, then swiftly descends into a punishment spanking designed to keep Pandora in line for the course of her marriage.
Ten is fantastic as the authoritative big sister, and she certainly knows how to wield a hairbrush. Ten knows that Pandora has a history of cheating on her partners and suspects her of flirting with other men. Ten clearly takes her role as a protective older sister seriously, willing to give a hard hairbrush spanking to the woman she thinks might break her brother's heart.
I love Ten's completely no-nonsense approach. She grabs Pandora by the wrist and pulls her over her knee so quickly that impression Pandora doesn't realise what's coming until hard spanks start raining down on her bottom. She squeals and squirms, and five minutes in the over the knee spanking hurts so much that she lets out a strangled growl of outrage.
Ten is best known for her work as a spankee, but she is clearly an expert spanker. Her punishment of Pandora is utterly relentless – scolding, offering advice and pithy responses to Pandora's bratty comebacks, all the while holding Pandora firmly down over her lap and not letting her escape the firm whacks of the wooden hairbrush over Pandora's sheer tights.
When the time comes to pull Pandora's tights and knickers down, she does it with the same ruthless efficiency. Pandora starts to suspect that Ten spanked her little brother like this too when they were growing up - she is clearly well-practised at dishing out hard punishment spankings with the wooden hairbrush.
Look out for my favourite line in the whole scene, when Ten offers to donate her hairbrush to Pandora's future husband as a wedding gift, so he can apply similar punishment in future if she steps out of line again.
I had a very pleasant surprise the other day when Girl on the Net sent me this link - Check Out The Trailer For "Instructed" With Pandora Blake.
To say I am stoked to be featured on Fleshbot is an understatement. This is one of those career-defining moments - something I never thought would happen to a performer working in a very niche, kinky corner of the porn industry. I don't think it would have happened if I hadn't been collaborating with a famous feminist porn pioneer. Thank you Ms Naughty!
Speaking of Instructed, the behind the scenes videos are now online. There are three in total - pre-shoot and post-shoot interviews, plus the outtakes from filming. A BBC journalist was present on this shoot, and this is your chance to see what he saw and go behind the scenes on the filming of a feminist porn film. To show you just how much fun I was having, I've made some exclusive Dreams of Spanking screengrabs from our behind the scenes videos. Enjoy!
I'm still a bit in love with "Instructed", and I think this collaborative feminist porn film is my best work to date. If you haven't seen it yet, go watch it now and let me know what you think!