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Advent

Three months ago, when I first publicised the URL of this pre-launch site, I had 1 December 2011 in mind as a putative launch date for the full members site. It'd be a tight three month schedule getting everything ready in time, but I was up for the challenge. Tentatively, I shared that date in a few places. A couple of weeks later Tom lost his job and (since we were living above the business) he and I both lost our home, and I realised that acts of fate were liable to disrupt even the best laid plans.

Even though I've been rehomed so successfully by D, since then fate has thrown no few spanners in the path of our revised "hopefully before Christmas" launch schedule. I sprained my ankle shortly after the housemove, which disrupted my work significantly for a week or so. While generously attempting to set up a Windows partition on his PC so that I could use it to render video (freeing up my own machine for site development work), D suffered a hard drive failure which resulted in the loss of all his partition tables, and it was a few weeks before his own development environment was reinstated. Halfway through my CCBill application I realised my passport had expired, and it took three weeks for the passport office to send me a new one. Then last week I came down with a bad cold and was off work sick while the original launch date came and went. Today, my computer was attacked by Trojan viruses and another day has been lost to dismantling my machine, backing up all my data and re-installing Windows 7 - never mind the time I'm going to lose to re-instating software and settings.

So it's not been a smooth ride, these last few weeks. Is a pre-Christmas launch still realistic? I wish I knew. Here's the current state of play:

  • The full members site is built, tested and validated, barring some non-essential code tweaks and shiny bits of javascript, and several persistent bugs that I still need to work out how to be killed.
  • There are 13 scenes uploaded to the members site so far. So I guess that's enough to launch with. I have another seven scenes on my computer in varying stages of nearly-finished, and another half dozen in my would-be-nice list; but actually twenty scenes is a perfectly good number to launch with, so if I can just get those seven sorted, I'll be happy.
  • Still to do is all the behind the scenes material. I don't want to launch without this - most sites consider it an optional extra but I've made a point of talking about transparency, fairtrade production and so on, and I think it's crucial to my business model to include this from the outset.
  • Add in online marketing/promotion (which I hate doing, but is a necessary evil) and my pre-launch schedule looks like a crazy amount to fit into two weeks.
  • Meanwhile, D has made good progress with the CCBill integration - surprisingly so; it's not been anywhere near as difficult as we feared. Their system includes options to interact with our site in the way we'd prefer, and their support team has proved very helpful. This might have been a nightmare, so that's very good news indeed.
  • On the other hand, for reasons we have not been able to fathom, the members site is woefully slow to load. A lot of the content is served through the CMS, which checks whether you're a logged in and a paid member or not before deciding whether to e.g. show you full video files or preview trailers, so each image and link requires the site to do some thinking and checking, and it all adds up. But beyond that, page load times are slower than we can explain, so there's clearly something slowing it down which we haven't identified yet. This is something we definitely need to fix before launch, but we're both at a bit of a loss as to how to do so.
  • Relatedly, some members-only pages (such as photo gallery pages) involve so many connections to the server that it times out completely, and the page fails to load at all. Fixing this will probably involve rewriting how the software serves members-only files in a secure way, and we don't yet know what the solution will look like. So that's a bit scary - we can't launch if some of the film or gallery pages break when viewed by more than a couple of people at once, but equally we don't yet know how to fix it or how long it's going to take.
  • Our dedicated server keeps suffering from repeated downtimes, and we'll need to shift it all onto a virtual server if I don't want the downtimes to continue after my site launch. Doable, but involves more time, faff and expense.

I'm sure that's more technical information than you ever wanted to know! What it adds up to is this: frustratingly, we aren't much closer to having a launch date than we were a month ago, because the more progress we make, the more new and interesting technical issues we encounter. Personally I'm desperate to launch before Christmas, but we have to get everything done by early January because D has another contract lined up after that.

I'm still crossing my fingers for a launch before Christmas, but given how many unknown quantities we're dealing with, I'm not so foolish as to commit to it.

Behind all the stress and anxiety and uncertainty, there is still a flickering flame of excitement that we're getting so very, very close. When I let myself think about how it will feel to finally share the fruits of all my labour with the world, I can taste the excitement so sharply it makes me shiver. But I don't dare anticipate that pleasure too much, or pin too many hopes on it. All I can do is put the kettle on, and settle in to an advent of code and late nights.

I'll keep you updated (and try not to bore you with too many gory technical details). Cross your fingers for us. If all goes well, I might have some good news for you all in the week before Christmas. But if it ends up being January after all, please don't be too disappointed. This is a 100% DIY project with everything being done by hand, and I promise you that we are doing our very best. And when we're ready, it will be so, so worth it.

A bet's a bet

Here's the video trailer from one of our M/M scenes, "A bet's a bet":

Sebastian meets his friend Jimmy to go on their Sunday morning ride, despite a cracking hangover from the last night's drinking. He has very little memory of the previous evening, and is astonished when Jimmy informs him that he lost a bet and has to pay up. The price? Twelve strokes with the riding crop.

Sebastian thinks his friend is surely joking - but Jimmy doesn't intend to let him get away without keeping his word. A bet's a bet, no matter how drunk you were when you made it. Reluctantly, Sebastian concedes his point. He drops his breeches, bends over and takes his thrashing like a man.

This short, sharp, semi-consensual scene was really interesting to make. Jimmy and Sebastian stepped up to the challenge of depicting two upper class, non-kinky friends stepping out of their comfort zones and playing an edgy game that challenges their machismo and heterosexuality. It wasn't an easy script to take on, and both boys played their roles with conviction, imagination and wit. The scene ended up shorter, funnier and harder than I'd expected.

In the video, we decided it would be most realistic for Sebastian to keep his boxers on, even once his breeches come down. Already walking on the knife edge of acceptability, we suspected these characters would baulk at a bare bottom. But after we'd finished filming Sebastian had such beautiful stripes from the crop that we couldn't resist showing them off in the accompanying photos. 

DIY production

Every pitfall has a silver lining. Since losing three days to re-installing all the software on my computer after a trojan attack, my editing software has worked much better, without any of the weird behaviour which was slowing it down before. This is great news, as I've been able to successfully finish a lot of editing projects which I was previously blocked on.

After setting up a monster export queue last night before bed, I've sat down today to watch the results and take notes on things that still need tweaking. It's an interesting process watching the results of your labours for the first time. This is a very bootstrapped baby business, and a lot of my films have been more or less a one woman show behind the scenes. When you've done the writing, the camera work and the editing yourself, you have ample opportunities to confront your own errors. Whether you can correct them or not is a different matter.

Some films were shot by Tom and I, the only people in the room: we both set up the lights, performed in front of the camera and then cut if we wanted to move the shot. This way of shooting is low-budget and can be very intimate, but it can result in flaws such as:

  • the actors glancing at the camera after changing position, in order to check whether they're still in shot (the only monitor I have is the digital preview screen on the camera itself, and an actor looking at the lens can be surprisingly disruptive to a roleplay scene);
  • the actors failing to check the composition of the shot after changing position, resulting in either someone's head getting chopped off or a very imbalanced shot with both players squeezed into one half of the frame.

Without someone else to check the shot, it can be hard to get this right... but the more practice we get, the better we become at it. Alternatively, you learn to only use this method to film scenes where looking into the lens won't actually be disruptive - such as candid personal scenes, rather than immersive "in character" scenarios.

Another learning curve has been how much to change the shot. Often we're shooting in quite cramped interior locations, where after fitting the lights into the room you only have a couple of angles you can point the camera without getting the lights in shot. If you cut and you can't change the camera angle, the resulting video will "skip" in a way which I personally find quite annoying as a viewer. You can put a fade transition in, but I prefer to keep those to transitions which imply the passing of time rather than to cover errors.

However, the scenes I like, with interesting psychological twists and character development, can sometimes end up quite wordy, especially if you're shooting without a script or a storyboard. Lots of dialogue can work really well in some scenes, but in my opinion you want at least something to be moving to keep the film visually interesting. If the characters are sitting down and talking, the camera should move around them. If the camera is static, you want the characters to move within shot. Otherwise you might as well make it a radio play from the moment they sit down.

So, some of the scenes we've filmed have a nice little emotional journey for the characters, but it all happens in dialogue and the camera doesn't move much. As an editor, I'm watching the footage wishing I'd made the decision to move the camera more. On the other hand, when I have changed the shot more frequently, employed more handheld camera, more zooms and pans, the results are often imperfect. I've only worked with professional, experienced camera operators on two or three shoots; most of the "homegrown" scenes have been me, Jimmy or Tom behind the camera, learning on the job and doing our best.

The more editing I do, the better an idea I have about the kind of camera techniques that work in practice. This has informed my decisions as a director and camerawoman. However, manual camera skills are not learned overnight. If my early scenes tend to be overly static, my more recent scenes tend to suffer from over-ambitious storyboarding and more wobbly handheld shots than I'd ideally like.

The DIY production process goes a bit like this:

WRITER ME: I came up with this awesome scene idea! Can we shoot it?

PRODUCER ME: Hrm, yeah, I think that might work; we could probably make this location look suitable and those performers would be great in these roles. I'll make the arrangements.

(On the day of the shoot)

DIRECTOR ME: (reading script) Okay, actors, here's what you have to do. Camerawoman, can you get this shot for me please?

PRODUCER ME: Hang on, I haven't finished set-dressing yet! Let me just hang this picture...

CAMERA ME: Right, okay, sorry I'm late. I just need to check the mic's on... Okay, slow zoom, coming up.

DIRECTOR ME: Great, that'll do, now let's get the next shot.

(Later, editing)

EDITOR ME: What the hell is this?! Director, what were you thinking? Cutting from this angle to that angle doesn't look natural at all! Also this zoom is really shaky! Camerawoman, you SUCK!  How the hell am I meant to make this look like a professional production? YOU ALL HATE ME.

It leaves me wondering whether it's better to stick with what you know, keep a static shot and risk having a visually slow-moving scene; or take risks, try new things, have a go at operating the camera myself so I can get the shots I want, and end up with otherwise excellent scenes which are let down by jerky camerawork.

As a viewer, I think I'd find both annoying. But as a producer, I think the latter is probably the better mistake to be making, because otherwise how will I learn and improve?

There are some advantages to this sort of low-budget, DIY approach. Each job I do gives me a unique perspective on the others. Editing has taught me lots about direction and camera work; editing, direction, performance and camera work have all helped me write scenes which are actually achievable; working as a performer for other people has taught me lots about how to be a director and producer without being hateful to your actors. Being able to clean up my own messes is also quite satisfactory: for instance, as a performer, I'm much more comfortable modelling for photos when I know I'm going to be doing all the post-processing and can tidy up or cut out anything unflattering. And if Editor Me is going to be swearing at a novice camera operator for their shaky transitions, I'd much rather be cross with myself than with one of my friends or partners.

On the other hand, multi-tasking is very fallible, and if you get stressed or behind schedule in one role it affects all the others. Behind the camera, I'm jill of all trades, mistress of none. With my novice skillset I'm rarely able to implement my ideas exactly as I'd envisaged them. The most successful shoots I've had so far have been ones where we had lots of people behind the scenes all doing different jobs, so that everyone was able to pay full attention to their own contribution without getting stressed out. So hopefully, as the business expands and I can afford to hire more crew, we'll get better results. At the same time, Tom, Jimmy and I are all gaining experience every time we shoot, learning on the job and making fewer mistakes. 

Maybe I'm just hopelessly perfectionistic, but every film I finish, even the ones I love, I can see things which I'd like to improve. I hope that you can enjoy the character interplay, interesting storylines and solid spanking action without being put off by the technical imperfections. Trust me when I say that I'm aware of each and every flaw, and working to improve and learn as fast as I can. Every producer has to start somewhere. I'm looking forward to doing this long enough to get as good as I'd like to be.

Double Play

This is another perspective on the joint scene I ran with D. to award Pandora her Domestic Service badge the other day. It was partly written because I need to get better at writing these things, at some point, but also partly as an aide memoire to Pandora (who found she had trouble remembering details afterwards, for some odd reason! ;)

--

Spontaneity does not come naturally to me in scenes. I'm a planner; I like the control factor of structured scene dynamics, and (since my tastes tend to the elaborate) I am kinked towards context as much as content in private play. D, on the other hand, is an expert at turning his whimsy into incredibly powerful, deep D/S. One of his skills that I am trying to learn by example is how he keeps a sub balanced in the delicious space between fear and pleasure, uncertainty and total trust. It means that when we work together, scenes flow best when I am able to fit myself into the dynamic he creates and follow that lead.

I am also very territorial about D/S. Because I tend to assume control of scenes that happen in my 'turf', I tend to defer to other tops when I'm visiting them. Because I'm currently a satellite electron within our polycule, when I visited London last week I was very highly motivated to ensure we got a chance to molest the wench together while I was there. It occurred to me that we could co-ordinate on helping Pandora to earn another of her Kinky Merit badges, and so I opened a back-channel with D. and proposed some constructive debauchery.

I suggested that we might take advantage of the chicken in his fridge to persuade Pandora to cook and serve us a nice dinner, in appropriately chosen costume, and award her the Domestic Service badge as a result. I was holding it because it's more a kink of mine than his, but he responded sufficiently enthusiastically (good food and pretty naked girl: om nom nom) that we made a broad-sketch plan and agreed to play the rest by ear. I'm working on trying to be more situational, and this seemed like a good time to test it.

As things went, it most certainly was. With the benefit of hindsight we can tell that Pandora was carrying an incipient cold, but at the time, all we knew was that she was struggling to keep emotional equilibrium when suddenly presented with a higher level of expectations. When I arrived in London there were work stresses and other fragilities to be navigated, and I was very glad I had not constructed to rigid an image of what would be entailed.

Fortunately, six-odd (sometimes very odd) years of experience at managing our shared lover have made us collectively much better at it than we used to be. This is as much a statement about Pandora as it is about her Tops; nebulous emotional turmoil is hard to work through even with help and without back pain, and she was trying nobly but failing. It took several conversations, a massage (and a spanking) to get the three of us sufficiently connected that she felt up to the challenge. Once we were back on track, we put her into her collar and that established the necessary calm and trust. Things began to go much better.

Pandora is a very good cook (and had some very pretty new underwear), and her dedication to service has never flagged. The soup course was tasty, warming and beautifully presented, with an extended intermission to digest it. When she produced a first-class roast chicken dinner, we set to with a will. While it may be true that a man's heart is best reached through his stomach, a sated Top merely turns his thoughts to further decadence. Pandora's satisfaction at delivering a well-served and tasty meal helped her recover her balance enough to disparage her own earlier instability.

"Yes, alright then - start apologising!" was D.'s smiling reaction. After a little blinking at the apparent non-sequitur, she knelt on the sofa and bent to her new task. This presented me with a lovely target in frilly pink lingerie, and it would have taken a sterner will than mine not to start spanking.

Watching Pandora deep-throat D. is very hot. They are both beautiful people and are very much in love, and their recent cohabitation has only deepened the soul-connection they share. A slow and medium-weight spanking tested her concentration and she performed admirably under that stimulus. It wasn't very long before D. withdrew his cock, the better to prolong the experience, and suggested I tag in. By that time I was more than a little hot under the collar and gladly took his seat, while he went next door to fetch out a riding crop.

As my evening steadily improved, D. kept Pandora honest with a crop, his hand, and a solid strap, and I was very impressed by how well she served my needs in spite of the distraction. Before long, the wriggling bottom in front of him brought D. back into the action and for the next hour or so we roasted the cook with great pleasure. In past joint scenes, I have tended to struggle with the sex part due to CFS-related erectile dysfunctions, but on this occasion we were able to change ends for half time without my incurring any loss of capacity, and once D. had passed the point of no return I was able to satisfy several months of frustration with a hard and lustful fucking.

While Pandora & are are both inclined towards magical language in our daily lives, D.'s sense of energies is almost entirely D/S and sex-related. In a double-scene like this, through Pandora, he and I can tune in to one another to a spiritually rewarding degree, and that sense of shared love did not fade with satisfaction. I spent two more leisurely days in the flat, we went to the gym together for the first time, and when I went on to spend an evening with Jacq. I was considerably happier than at any time since found myself out on a limb in September.

Countdown to launch

My dear dreamers,

It's been a busy, glorious, creative, spanking-filled autumn. There have been stresses, but there's also been the joy of making things of beauty, making things that express my kink and my fantasies, making my dreams a reality. There have been anxieties, but there's also been the security of love and discipline, the glow of lustful encounters, the support of friends and partners. Above all, there has been anticipation. A rising, flickering passion that started to burn in my chest four years ago, and since then has only grown in heat and strength.

It's ironic that the further you get towards realising your goals, the more you get bogged down in details. When all you have is an idea, you can appreciate the big picture, cradle the whole sparkling dream in your imagination. After years of hard work, it's hard to re-gain that perspective, to zoom out from the flaws and imperfections and the jobs not done to appreciate the scale of one's achievement. As I approach the finishing line I think it's important to look back, take a breath and contemplate how far I've come; how close I am to living in the reality I envisaged so excitedly years ago.

Finally, here we are.

 

23 December 2011

 

It is my very great pleasure to announce that Dreams of Spanking will open its doors to members in one week's time: next Friday, the day before Christmas Eve. I hope that you will be able to find some time - on your last quiet afternoon in the office; on a solitary evening in before travelling to visit friends and family; or over the holidays, perhaps, late at night after the brandy has been put away and the kids to bed - to sit down and spend a little time indulging our shared, kinky dreams.

Her Ladyship's Breakfast

Tonight, I want to share with you the first F/M scene I produced for Dreams of Spanking, and the only "pure" F/M scene we're launching with (if you exclude F/MF). It's called "Her Ladyship's Breakfast" and it represents a whole heap of firsts, actually: 

  • The first time real life couple Adele Haze and Jimmy Holloway played together on camera
  • Adele's first scene for us as a top
  • The first scene of the day on our shoot with talented photographer Daniel R, an old online friend who spent a day taking beautiful photos for (and of!) us
  • The first scene I produced/directed without also performing in it
  • My first attempt to produce/direct a spanking scene with a male spankee.


I'd done a lot of thinking about malesub spanking before getting to this point - going from political sympathy and outrage with the general shortage of beautiful, empathic spanking scenes which treat male submissive bodies as sexy, to starting to look out for this sort of material and, in fact, developing a taste for it. I had some very clear ideas about what I wanted. Physical chemistry between the characters; subtle characterisation and complex motivations; a romantic, elegant aesthetic and a strong visual focus on the appealing form of the male spankee. Mutual sexual desire, but focussing particularly on the desire, affection and respect the female top feels for her beautiful, strong, vulnerable male bottom. 

Adele and Jimmy, close friends of mine and long term supporters of this project, had been playing together for five months, and it was a new dynamic for both of them. I had particularly enjoyed following my friend Jimmy's journey into affirming, positive bottoming and submission with a nurturing partner who respected his limits.

These days, the pair switch easily between roles and Jimmy has developed a very sexy confidence as a top/dom. But when we shot this scene they were still quite strongly in an F/M place, and I'm really glad that we were able to capture the unique flow of energy between them in this amazing scene.

What stands out to me about these images is the heat in Adele's gaze as she looks at Jimmy; his exquisite nude figure and heartbreaking vulnerability; the palpable D/S dynamic which implies no weakness on Jimmy's part, but rather strengthens both of them by their mutual trust.

Perhaps I can feel this more acutely because I'm not, personally, in it, but for me this embodies the principle that you should make the kind of porn you like to look at. I can't stop looking at this one, and I hope you like looking at it, too.

Click on any of the images to view the free gallery. The full set of 149 high res photographs plus behind the scenes commentary by Adele and Jimmy will be available to view on this site from December 23.

A bit of cheerleading

Amongst all the attention to detail and busy-ness of getting the site ready for launch, I feel like I need to take a step back and think about the big picture. How far I've come since my first, premature ideas of making my own films and photosets five years ago; the day a couple of years later when I hit on the phrase "Pandora dreams of spanking" and everything started to fall into place. For the next two years I was bombarded with inspiration, ideas and passion for a project I barely had time to work on. The only way I could cope was to rearrange my life to put this project first.

With the help of the friends who have participated and helped bring my ideas to life, but most of all my partners who have kindly kept roofs over my head for the last year, allowing me to cut back on the paid work I was doing for other clients and start focussing on this; who have worked closely with me throughout this project behind and in front of the camera; who have kept me spanked and sane, we are now only two days away. (Forty hours, to be exact!)

The best part of all is knowing that I am not alone in my dreams.  Now that it's getting really close, and really scary, feeling overwhelmed by how much there is still to do, I need to remember why I'm doing this. When it feels like I'm drowning in the deadline, I need to remember that I'm not just doing this to indulge my own desires.

You, too, want beautiful spanking porn with stories inspired by real life and literature, with good acting, with plausible costumes and settings.

I will always prefer "Porn With a Plot", however much or little there is, I need to see some believable motivation for the scene that is being performed. "Oh you've been a naughty girl, get over my knee *spank spank spank* "ow, ow, ow", get up and leave, just doesn't spark anything. I want to be able to *feel* the scene, not just view it. As a female submissive, I want to identify with the punishee. If they are not living it (or appearing to) neither am I.
nova, 19:58 on 2 Dec 2011
I think you deliver such a good balance between edgy reality scenes & obvious joy in the work that it’s a delight to truly engage in your creations, be that a single image, thought provoking prose or erotically charged film.
OTK_Fessee, 17:13 on 11 Nov 2011

Like me, you want spanking porn you can watch with your partner, and you want girls and boys being punished together.

Being spanked with a naughty female partner in crime is one of my favorite fantasies. Too bad it is so rarely depicted. Well done.
Jeffotk
Loving the look of this site so far. There are not enough sites out there to cater for "both sides" of spanking.
Switchsteve, 00:07 on 15 Nov 2011
I've way more top fantasies then bottom ones. But in most of my bottom fantasies I get punished with a female partner in crime by a female top. I'm so looking forward to such scenarios... Ursus Lewis, 16:54 on 19 Nov 2011
Thank you Pandora for producing images that we can appreciate together.
shycouple, 21:56 on 19 Nov 2011

Like me, you want ethical porn; and like me, you want elegance, romance, drama and adventure with your spanking.

Can I just say that I absolutely love what you are doing here? The intelligence of it, the elegance of it, the sheer gutsy, revolutionary creativity of it...
Fen Tigress, 21:15 on 20 Nov 2011
Consensual, enthusiastic, erotic and joyful D/S scenes are exactly where much of my kink lies.
Motley Wanderer, 10:37 on 28 Oct 2011
I love what you've done with the place! Elegant, a little dark and fairly crackling with an insightful point of view---not unlike its creator.
Searius, 18:21 on 15 Sep 2011

I'm doing this because it's been filling my head and my kink for years and I can't focus on anything else until I've pushed it out into the world. But I'm not only doing this for me, or for my lovers and play partners who share my kinks so closely. I'm doing it for all of you who have told me at some point over the last few years that you share my dreams.

I do think that the current trend (across most genres of porn, as far as I'm able to tell) for more performer led productions is a positive thing, especially in showing the world that we are not beaten down and forced into the things we do, but it is a positive choice we have made about what we want to do.
Nimue, 16:07 on 22 Oct 2011
Thank you for doing the hard work of realizing so many of our dreams!
Graham, 03:54 on 9 Sep 2011

Fifteen hours

It's crunch time, and the flat D and I share has been transformed into Dreams of Spanking central: a hotbed of technology, creativity, and swearing at computers late into the night. It's been a rollercoaster of setbacks and successes. Still, overall progress has been steady, and underneath the perfectionism and stress I'm starting to feel genuinely excited of being able to launch a project I'm proud of.

There have been a lot of good things these last few days. D found, and fixed, the bug which was breaking our photogalleries, and if he hadn't already earned my undying gratitude and adoration, he has now. This is immense: in a single step, it's transformed this launch from a compromise-ish, "We'll do our best in the time available" sort of launch (last week, I was fully prepared to do without photogalleries if we had to) into a full-on, proper, doing-my-vision-justice launch. Excitement: building.

I spent the weekend debugging the website (haven't quite killed them all yet, but dealt with a large number and I know where the rest live), tidying up various pages and adding behind the scenes content. I consolidated the three  development version of the website on my computer and various servers (this one, and two versions of the members site) to make sure all the filenames were consistent and everything was where it ought to be. (Thanks to various server wrangling there's a fourth copy now, just to confuse matters further!) Then we did a code push and realised that our server wasn't big enough: we ran out of space before finishing the upload.

So the last two days has been D buying a new, bigger, shinier server and doing all the tedious sysadminny setup and transfer stuff. In the meantime, I've been racing to finish the last few scenes. I want to update the site between Christmas and NYE, but I'm doing family things from Dec 25-27, so I need to prepare my first two updates in advance, as well as the scenes which will be visible on launch. It's felt good to get stuck back into the truly creative stuff again, but also scary as I realise quite how little time there is left.

It'll be worth it though when I get to show you what we've got. On top of everything else, in the last two days I've finished an edgy, noir interrogation photoset in which dark agent D strips me and whips me with a belt; a film of Tom giving Zille Defeu and I a severe cropping and caning in jodhpurs (which I'll preview tomorrow); and the bedroom birching scene Tom and I shot last week.

So that's where we are. Holding our breath, working furiously, anticipation rising... and rising. The closer we get, the more proud and excited I'm able to feel. There are some scenes in particular I absolutely can't wait to share with you. I hope you like them as much as I do.

Dreams of Spanking is now live!

It is done. We're live, we're launched, we're accepting memberships (and have half a dozen members already - squeee!)

Take a look around, browse, explore. There's lots to look at even for non-members: each of the spanking scenes has a public preview page with a free image for photo galleries, and a free video clip for films. Let me know if you have any trouble finding anything.

The transfer from the pre-launch site to the new one might take a little time to propagate - if you're still seeing the old site, give it a little time. (Making sure you have "www." on the start of the domain name might help, as might rebooting your computer to clear the DNS cache.) No amount of testing can prepare a website for launch day: there are almost certainly some things we've missed. Please do let me know if anything isn't working for you, and I'll get right on it.

I'm planning updates on Boxing Day (a bedroom birching video), December 28th (a super hot, edgy, noir interrogation photoset with bondage takedown, struggling and belt whipping), and NYE (tense boarding school prefect bullying scene) so do check back this week if you get a chance :)

In the meantime, I'll leave you with the trailer for the movie I've just edited, Caned in Jodhpurs. This is a very intense, harsh cropping and caning scene written by Zille for her first shoot with us, in which she plays a stablegirl who's mistreated, unfairly whipped and taken advantage of by the master of the house. To make matters worse, when his wife walks in she assumes that Zille seduced him and demands that she be punished again! But before too long, the tables are turned...

(Popup player not working? Click here to view the trailer on SpankingTube.)

24

As mentioned briefly before, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome makes sex very difficult. This is as true for women as men, but in our case, and particularly for someone whose tastes are pretty basic in that regard, erectile dysfunction really gets in the way. Pandora has had seven years to learn every possible way to make things easier for me, and I have come to rely on her patience to allow me to get past the sense of failure that comes when one has been virile in the past and now isn't.

All of the above makes showing my feelings for a new lover very difficult at times; particularly when they share my inclination towards a solid fucking to finish off a session. I'm very sensitive to the ease with which a girl can interpret response failure as a physical insult, and that only makes things more difficult. All this serves as prologue to the very hot, but largely chaste, scene I played with Jacqueline the day after we awarded Pandora her Service badge.

The negotiations between Jacq and I have been complicated by several misunderstandings (she thought I didn't fancy her; I thought she didn't fancy men...) and have been extended over several years. After this delightful weekend, we had a very hot little scene at hers, brought to a satisfying, if non-PIV, orgasmic conclusion. My health context has changed a bit since then and I knew I'd be unable to raise a smile even if I tried, so I was planning based on a training scenario; "this is experience", rather than "this is foreplay."First 6

As Pandora has mentioned before, Jacq's submission style communicates a strong element of quiet challenge, but I have found in private scenes that she also becomes very vulnerable through a sense of her own inexperience. She's read a lot about me as a Top and knows I'm a bit of a severity specialist. Her inclinations tend as much or more towards enjoyment of the art, the marking, as of the actual pain, which is somewhat scary. She's also very much a good-girl sub; I have to be careful to avoid leaving her feeling she has dissapointed me or failed herself in any way.

Canes make nice marks, and cold-canings make the nicest. Because Jacq prefers thud to sting, the option of moving up from thinner to heavier canes is less helpful than normal, so I had a nice technical challenge to go along with the emotional ones. As it combines great accuracy with a solid, thudding impact I had selected my Master cane for the task.

After a pub dinner, and some relaxing snuggle-time on the sofa, I took Jacq upstairs and brought her into mood with gentle words. Clear instructions, laying out what I'll do and how, and some of why, are usually the best for someone whose nerves are derived from inexperience rather than uncertainty of their kink.

I had her lay out pillows on the bed, a favourite position for this kind of thing because it makes holding place easy, presents the bottom nicely and looks very flattering in the pictures. I told her I'd start with six strokes, then check in, and proceed to a total of 24. She looked rather worried but gracefully positioned herself and gripped the head-board.

"Are you ready?"

...

"yes."

The first six came at a slow and measured pace, firm enough to make nice marks but not harsh. I stroked her back and checked my aim several times, keeping her steadied through tactile communications. After six she had a lovely, neat set of lines, and had dropped into a fairly calm state of mind which I wanted to keep her in.

Half way through"Arch your hips, please, darling." I drew her knickers down and then picked up the cane again.

"You're doing very well, hon. These next six are going to be a bit harder, then I'll change sides to keep things even. Are you ready?"

"Yes..."

I used the next twelve strokes to bring the intensity level up fairly steadily, and to even up the patterns on her lovely buttocks. By stroke 18 she was wriggling, and there were some enjoyable gasps and whimpers rising from her pillows. Time to pause for a rub and some more gentle words, and a kiss on the back of the neck. Jacq relaxed under that attention and I could tell she was mentally preparing herself for the harder finish she knew was coming.

24"The last set will be a bit more serious. I know you can take them. Remember to present yourself after each one; I won't deliver the next until you have done so. Understood? Good. Are you ready?"

"... Yes."

Strokes 19 and 20, though firm, drew only gasps and a little wriggle. 21 was lower, harder, and filled in a gap which had been irritating me for a while; that one made her head jerk back and drew a proper little squeal. She wiggled for a moment, and then sweetly sank back into position and offered her bottom again. 22 and 23 were both low and tight, and each one caused her several seconds of difficulty but she responded with a touching obedience to my instructions. And 24 was genuinely hard, plumb across the middle of her bottom. Then it was time for my gentle hand on the back of the neck and the whisper of 'good girl' into her ear.

"Really, really proud of you. Now stay still while I take another picture."

A Yuletide Birching

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and season's greetings! I'm back from three days away with family, and am just trying to catch up with comments and emails and so on. I want to extend a big warm festive welcome to all our new members - thankyou so much for your support. The site has received a warmer reception than I was ever expecting and I am thrilled to know so many people share my dreams. I hope you all enjoy the films and galleries! Please just let me know if you experience any problems with the site or downloads, and I'll get right on it.

Despite being away from home, I managed to sneak up a Boxing Day update yesterday, and I hope you enjoy it. This real-life dominance and submission scene tells the story of my first Christmas gift from a kinky friend (who knows me too well!) - my first birch bundle. Being (quite literally) a glutton for punishment, I decided to take it with me to visit Tom, and let him do with it as he would. 

The resulting film is around 14 minutes long, including an introduction by me, a nude birching (shot in a single take), and some cornertime to display the rather lovely resulting marks. There are some "before" and "after" photos taken by Tom to go with it. I've put together a preview trailer for you to take a look at:

Still from A Yuletide Birching - click to view the free video trailer

A Yuletide Birching »

Interrogation

Today's update is one of my favourites of the scenes we've shot so far, and one of the edgiest. Darker and nastier than your usual spanking scene, this noir interrogation scenario includes struggling, stripping, bondage/takedown, groping, breast slapping and breath play as well as belt whipping. After all that, the belting needed to be fairly convincing, and it was. I'm not sure what I liked most: struggling on the floor with my wrists bound and D kneeling in the small of my back, or being tied down over a bar stool while he continued his work.

Shooting this was hot, hot, hot. D and I both enjoy this sort of violation roleplay, but are both a bit self-conscious to go for it in private most of the time. Taking photos offers us the perfect excuse to explore some of our darker fantasies.

Unlike many of my fantasies, this one is more or less context-free. It's an interrogation, and I think my interrogator might have sadistic impulses outside the strict remit of his brief (unless he's playing a very long game), but other than that, there's no back story to this one, no plot exposition. Like D's topping style, this scene moves from moment-to-moment, and is all the more intense for it.

There's a part of me that loves struggling, resistance and takedown, but my inner sub likes being a good girl too much to do it for fun most of the time. I love D in a long leather coat, and I love (and hate) the cold distance he establishes between us when he's taking me on a real rollercoaster ride. I love, love, love having one of his hands over my mouth while the other explores my body, and I love that he took me up on my old, filthy fantasy of having my head trampled into the floor with the sole of his boot.

Shooting this was exhilirating, a slow wordless dance following D's lead. I had no idea what was coming, although we'd talked about the appeal this sort of fantasy had for each of us before, and he knew what I was likely to enjoy. Roy Tersley, the Janus photographer we were shooting with, had no clue what he was in for and had just expected to be shooting some nice spanking scenes, so I hope we didn't upset him too much! It was rough, violent, cathartic and absolutely drenched in sexual tension. By the time we'd finished I was flushed with arousal, and more or less failing to pretend I hated it (this is a problem I often have with ravishment scenes!)

D and I took a moment to reconnect in the changing room, and before we really knew what was happening we were fucking right there on the dressing table. Turns out he'd found it just as hot as I had. It was one of the most raw, intimate, downright unprofessional moments I've ever had on a shoot - normally I manage to retain a modicum of self-control, no matter how much fun I'm having! - but it's also one of those precious memories which I think I'll look back on with a grin for the rest of my life.

The appeal of M/M spanking

I've spent today editing the photos to accompany "The Prefect and the Fag", the tense, edgy schoolboy bullying scene which is going up on the site this New Year's Eve. (NB for non-UK readers: 'fag' is old-fashioned English boarding school slang for a younger pupil used as a personal servant by a senior boy, and has nothing to do with the offensive word for a gay man.)

It's always a pleasure editing scenes which I'm not actually in, liberated to find the imagery hot again. When I'm in a scene, planning it, anticipating it, shooting it and often remembering it are hot, but I can't respond that way to the images themselves. So it's lovely to open the next photo and experience that unexpected frisson of excitement, that catch of the breath, the quickened heart beat. The moment that makes you stop and look twice when you're browsing online. Oh, that's hot. In this case it was Jimmy Holloway's raised palm and Sebastian Hawley's reddened bottom which triggered the effect.

I've talked a lot about the political context of M/M, but when Quai asked me about it earlier today I realised I hadn't actually talked much about what I like about it. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I thought those of you who aren't into it might be interested to find out why it works for me.

My taste for M/M has gone through a cycle which I think many women might recognise. I fantasised about M/M spanking a lot as a child (in my case, specifically schoolboy spanking); then as a teenager, discovered the world of spanking porn and erotica, in which M/M barely features, and started to fantasise more about M/F and F/F as a result. Then, though my work in the porn industry and my political thinking, I re-connected with my initial attraction to M/M and "reclaimed" the fantasy as a core part of my kink. These days I watch male/male spanking films, but I've never seen one made with female viewers in mind.

So what is it about boy/boy spanking scenes that appeals so much?

1. Historical authenticity.

I have a vague sense that in the history of the world, most actual corporal punishment has been given by men to men. Perhaps this isn't true in a domestic context, but I think it is in institutional settings like school/military/judicial. And I do love my institutional settings.

2. Formative fantasies

Like Indy, M/M has featured in my fantasies since I was very young. My first CP fantasies were historical schoolboy ones, influenced by Roald Dahl's Boy, David Copperfield and Tom Brown's Schooldays. The Victorian novels I read growing up were too modest to mention the corporal punishment of girls, but boys? Hell yes. Even Enid Blyton's boys got thrashed at home, invariably by father or uncle rather than a female relative.

3. "Man up"

It's completely significant that in a world where the physical punishment of female children can't be talked about, boys are fair game. In the patriarchal world of Victorian melodrama, boys don't need to be protected or looked after like girls do. Boys need discipline, they need to have their rough edges smoothed off. For a girl to be whipped is shocking, a really big deal, she'd cry and it'd be horrible - but a boy? He's expected to take it like a man.

Lots of things are hot about this. The normalisation, for a start. Then there's the bravery factor. In my fantasies, I'm not a brat, I don't whine and make a fuss. I'm a survivor, a stoic heroine wilfully resisting a terrible ordeal. If your primary kink fodder growing up is 150-year-old children's books, you don't get to see that archetype much in female characters, but you do get to see it in male ones.

It's kind of sexist, but the whole idea of being told to "man up" while taking a spanking is shockingly hot to me. A disciplinarian who scorns any display of weakness. A challenge to your pride and dignity. Pride is my biggest sin; any appeal to my competitiveness is likely to strike home. If you're expected to be brave/strong/honourable/heroic that implies that everyone believes you can be. It's validating, in a weird sort of way.

Okay, I know that patriarchal gender expectations fuck life up for men in all sorts of ways, and in real life being told or expected to "man up" is pretty horrible. But as someone who's never actually experienced that particular cultural pressure in real life (and might quite like people, on average, to expect me to be emotionally stronger than I am rather than weaker) it's prime fantasy material.

4. Homoerotic tension

Most of my male/male spanking fantasies are between heterosexual men... but I like it when there's a bit of uncertainty about that. Sometimes it's purely disciplinary, like your father/son or uncle/nephew scenario. But sometimes it's a power play between two men of the same generation. This comes back to those institutional settings again: school and the military are both classic examples. Male teacher spanks boy pupil isn't sexed in my head, but officer beats solder? There could be unexplored sexual tension there. And abuses of power? Hell yes.

A sadistic prefect disproportionately punishing a helpless schoolboy is hot because it's unfair, but it's also hot because is this prefect just a cruel bully, or is there something else going on there, too? Make the homoeroticism explicit and I become less interested, but if it's subtle, below the conscious awareness of each of the characters, a frisson of possibility - that I like.

Even if there's no sexual tension, there's something enjoyable about seeing male homosocial dynamics intimately explored. I like the awkwardness that arises as the characters navigate the embarrassment of physical proximity, nudity, vulnerability. This wouldn't really be a thing without the aforementioned macho cultural pressure, but having been born into this fucked-up, gendered world, there's something fascinating and appealing about watching men try to align masculine expectations with the messy reality and strange intimacy of corporal punishment.

5. Aesthetics

Male bottoms are very different from female ones, on average, and they're really nice to look at. I'm so saturated with female spankee imagery that male spankees stand out as new and interesting through sheer novelty value - the difference in how a spanked bottom moves without any of that flesh on the hips - but even if they didn't, a male bottom being spanked is pretty cool. I like slender boys with little bottoms that jiggle a bit, but I like chunky spankees with solid bottoms too; the round or square shape of the gluts, that restrained bounce as the impact travels through the muscle. Actually most men have spankable bottoms, even if they aren't spankees. Male bottoms are great.

6. Male tops

Diversity and equality are awesome, but you don't need to look far to realise that I'm pretty kinked towards male tops. I like female tops just fine, and there are certainly female spankers in my fantasies and in my life. But both my long term doms are male, and growing up, most of my fantasies involved male tops one way or another. M/M fits right into that.

7. Voyeurism

Here's the thing about M/M: I'm not in it. I never will be in it. It's not about me. Sure, I can empathise and identify with the spankee, just as I can perv over his cute bottom and think about how fun it would be to turn it darker shades of red. But watching M/M contains no competitiveness, no comparisons. It's pure, unadulterated, self-indulgent voyeurism. I like that.

The Prefect and the Fag

Did you ever read Roald Dahl's autobiography "Boy"? It was deeply formative for me. I read it when I was about 6, and while I was immersed in it I carried it everywhere in a daze of excitement, confusion and anxiety. Pretending that I wasn't affected by it, that the pages describing his public school punishments at the hands of teachers and prefects didn't leave my mind whirling and heart pounding.

When I was 8, my junior school teacher read it to us in story corner. I remember at the start of the second or third chapter, describing his first school caning as a boy not much older than myself. The chapter is called simply "The Cane", and the teacher held the book up to show us all a distinctive Quentin Blake illustration of a long, crook-handled cane. I stared at the carpet, willing my face not to betray me, appalled that something so deeply personal to me would be made so casually public.

I still have a number of my favourite fantasies based on that book. I think the most lasting is the story of the punishment style of a dreaded teacher when Roald was an older boy. This teacher would deliver his canings to you at leisure in his study, pacing room while you waited, bottom bare, over the arm of his sofa, and lecturing you at length between each hard, slow stroke. He would give you ten, all in all, and afterwards a damp cloth to clean up the blood. This is still a fantasy I return to two decades on.

The other most memorable anecdotes are centred around the tradition of "fagging". Prefects would be assigned younger boys to act as their personal servants, the equivalent of military batmen. Thus boys of good breeding would learn humility and service for a time, but benefit from the system when their turn came around. Stories abound of the peculiar cruelties and abuses only teenage boys are capable of when given power over those weaker than themselves.

My favourite story was of the prefect who would set his fag cleaning his study, and then, to inspect the results, put on a pristeen white glove to run his finger along every surface in the room while the hapless boy stood, quaking in his shoes, waiting to hear his sentence. I've always wanted to make a film exploring this theme. When the chance came to shoot with Sebastian and Jimmy I couldn't resist, especially once I discovered that Sebastian has a big thing for service and boot-blacking as a sub.

Given the location, my budget and the boys' personal style I couldn't quite stretch to a full historical re-enactment in Etonian top and tails. (I did lend Jimmy my white gloves, but sadly they were too small for his large hands.) This is a modern public school in which such traditions are continued clandestinely, behind closed doors. 

The resulting film is a rather bleak story of a mistreated school boy which comes right from the heart of my kink. The boys give brilliant performances, from Jimmy's patronising lectures and very, very hard spanking, to Sebastian's sulky submission and expert shoe polishing. Even if you don't normally watch M/M as erotica, I hope you can enjoy the atmosphere, emotions and CP-themed power play in this intense scene.

Click to view a preview trailer for The Prefect and the Fag

Click to view The Prefect and the Fag »

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