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Marital Discipline: F/M celebrating the male spankee

Five years ago, I had no interest in F/M. I had nothing against it; it just wasn't my kink. As a female spankee it didn't seem relevant to my experience.

Then I kept hearing from toppy/switch women frustrated with the lack of sexy imagery focussing on male subs and bottoms. I subscribed to the groundbreaking Filament Magazine (sadly now ended) and learned about the female gaze, and the need for more women to create erotic imagery aimed at women. I read the archives of Male Submission Art and started to notice the way that submissive male performers are sidelined and even mistreated by the adult industry. This is not only unfair and contrary to the principles of ethical production, but it's a feminist issue too. Women have just as much right to quality porn catering to their sexual desires as men, and many women want to look at hot men. The adult industry has some catching up to do.

In December 2008 I filmed my first F/M material with Zoe and Jimmy, found it just as hot as any other spanking content, and started to wonder why I'd never looked at it before.

The longer I spent on the scene, the more I realised that the reason I'd never sought out F/M was that I'd never seen any I liked. Partly this is because of the gender segregation practised by so many websites. I'd never been exposed to it. But since then I've started looking, and I can find very little F/M which eroticises, which celebrates, the male spankee.

Nowadays I identify as a switch, and have enjoyed spanking a few male bottoms in my time. I don't just enjoy the power trip of spanking a man: I enjoy his body, too; the curve of his bottom, the way his toes curl, the subtleties in his voice and his breath. I find a range of male bodies aesthetically pleasing, from the lean to the soft to the chunky, and I find them no less aesthetically pleasing while being spanked.

If I'm watching a man being spanked on video then the male spankee's body isn't an unfortunate side effect of the spanking experience. It's the point. I want to see his body in all its glory. I want to see his face while he's spanked, I want close ups of his wide eyes, bitten lips and flushed cheeks. On video, I want to hear him yelp and catch his breath. I want to see him kick. I don't want to see an anonymous, nameless bottom thrashed by a domme who pouts at the camera rather than connecting with her sub.

Look at any blog or site which publishes F/M imagery. How many male spankees are named? How many have their faces shown? I'll give you a clue: it ain't many.

If I'm watching F/M, I'm in the delicious position of identifying with both halves of the couple. My toppy side identifies with the domme, imagines having that boy to play with. I want the boy to be fuckable, because this is porn and I'm shallow like that. I want to see male spankees who are easy on the eye. But my top side wants to know what he's like, this boy being spanked. What's his name? What's he like? What turns him on? How does he react when you do this? If I'm topping a guy I don't want to play with a piece of meat I don't know from Adam, without ever seeing his face. I want to get to know him, find out what makes him tick. I want to look into his eyes and see the effect I'm having.

Then there's my bottom side. The spankee in me empathises with the male bottom; imagines myself in his place. In order to identify with him, he needs to have an identity. I can't identify with a nameless, personless bottom floating near Mistress Whatsername. I want to identify with a person: I want to watch his journey, understand his experience.

Top and bottom, it adds up to the same thing: I want F/M that shows me a male spankee with personality. I know I'm not alone in wanting this. I've spoken to huge numbers of people who share my frustration. In order to find spanking porn which focuses on the male spankee I have to watch M/M - and I do. But what does that tell you about the extent to which the industry caters to a male audience?

At this point people argue with me: what's wrong with liking F/M that focusses on the domme? It's very popular, after all; lots of people like it. I would like to state, for the record, that I don't think there's anything morally wrong with that mode of F/M. (I do think there's something morally wrong with an industry that refuses to pay male bottoms for their time or expenses, but that's an aside.) Aesthetics and sexual desire are subjective, and if that's your kink, that's okay. It may not be what I like, but I'm not trying to take it away or criticise anyone for liking it. If that's what you want to see, great: I'm glad so many people are catering to your desires. But my desires, and the desires of everyone else I've talked to, male and female, who wants to see porn that celebrates male spankees, currently aren't catered to, and that's the problem I want to address.

My aim is to expand the scope of the genre, not restrict it. Watch femdom with my blessing, if that's what you like. In the meantime, for the rest of us, I offer a new angle on F/M: malesub.

Five years ago, F/M wasn't my thing. It turns out I just wasn't watching the right F/M. Done right, F/M is absolutely my thing. Put it this way: I found this video such a turn on that I got wet while editing it. Repeatedly. At the end of each work day, this was what I was fantasising about.

Marital%20Discipline

Marital Discipline

Frustrated with Mike's behaviour despite regular discipline, Dana initiates a little regression. Freshly spanked, bathed and shaved baby smooth, her bratty husband is transformed into a good little boy.

When I sat down with Mike before our shoot to discuss scene ideas and asked him if he had any particular fantasies he'd like to explore, he confessed that he didn't often fantasise about spanking: age play was much more his thing. I've become increasingly interested in the psychology of age play lately, and "little boy/girl" and child/parent roleplay definitely has a place within my kink. It's also very compatible with spanking and discipline, and I've already published a couple of "little girl" photosets on this site.

Of course, one has to be very careful to make it clear that age play is exactly that - roleplay. I thought it might be fun to make that explicit by introducing an age play/regression dynamic into a consensual adult discipline scenario. Mike provided the adorable pink dropseat jammies he wears here, and gamely volunteered to be shaved in order to make the transformation more dramatic. Other than that, I gave Dana and Mike the freedom to take the scene where they would. And boy, did they run with it.

I am in love with so many aspects of this scene: from the playful, affectionate, sexy flirtation between husband and wife which seamlessly integrates with the discipline dynamic; to the mutual trust and respect between both the performers and the characters, and the sensual intimacy of the bathtub sequence. I have a dozen favourite moments but the absolute best ones were all unscripted. Here are my top two:

  1. Early on in the scene, Dana challenges Mike: "Who agreed to this relationship, and the terms of it?" Mike starts to give the reply he thinks she's looking for: "I did". But almost immediately he stops and changes it to we: "We did."

    I fucking love this. The connection and charge between them is immediately ramped up. It moves the conversation from adversarial ("whose fault is this?"), to negotiative, co-operative ("how can we fix this?"). It shifts the focus onto the relationship, the consensual, equal partnership between the two of them. Which makes the ensuing punishment so much hotter.

  2. Towards the end, Dana has a much more obedient, happy, spanked Mike over her knee and is explaining to him that the final part of his punishment will be an early bedtime sleeping on the sofa, and he won't be allowed back into the big bed with her until he's proved he can behave. "Understand?"

    "Yes."

    "Yes what?" Mike laughs. "Come on, I want to hear you say it."

    Behind the camera, I'm wondering what Dana likes to be called. Miss? Ma'am? We haven't discussed it. I'm intrigued to see how this will play out.

    Mike is laughing nervously. "Say what?"

    "You know."

    Nervous, blushing, smiling from ear to ear, Mike eventually whispers: "Yes, Mummy." And I melt in a puddle on the floor.

I believe that most CP enthusiasts will find something to enjoy in this scene. The sexual chemistry is sizzling, the roleplay is convincing, warm and funny. Mike is gorgeous, and I defy the ladies not to be won over by his dazzling blue eyes and transformation from neatly bearded man to adorable, babyfaced little boy. Dana is smoking hot, teasing and playful with a hard hand and unquestionable authority.

And oh my god, just look at this bottom:

Even if F/M isn't usually your thing, give this one a try. It might surprise you.

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