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They dress you up, they dress you down

I felt like I was taking a bit of a chance by filming a cross-dressing F/FM scene with Mike Stryker and Dana Kane. Being a little bit self-indulgent. Sure, we all love a bit of gender-bending, but would anyone want to watch it? Do people really want gender politics in their spanking porn?


Mike and I play siblings united in our rejection of default gender roles. Mike feels fabulous in eyeliner and lipstick, and I prefer the comfort of baggy clothes that free me up to run around and climb trees. Unfortunately, our absent parents aren't the tolerant sort, and they've hired an uber-strict governess for the summer to turn us back to the straight and narrow. The fearsome Ms Kane embarks on a harsh discipline regime, part of which is forcing us out of our preferred clothing and into more conservative garments. Once Mike is dressed in a smart suit and tie and I've put on a pretty frock and feminine underwear, she takes us both over the knee in an attempt to spank the non-conformity out of us.

This is a super-hot fantasy for me, but it's a tricky one too. Hypothetically, if someone were to find this hot scene because they actually believed that tomboys and transvestites deserved to be punished, I wouldn't be able to share their enjoyment. For me, this is one of those scenes where sympathy with the spankees as the mistreated party who are just trying to be themselves is essential. Once that's understood, scenes like this can actually stand as a reverse political statement in favour of freedom of expression.

Having said that, I wouldn't go so far as to call this a serious film. On the contrary, it's joyously light-hearted and camp. Mike played it up to the hilt, and the clash of personalities resulted in a lot of fun banter. I adored Dana's satirical performance as the repressive governess, precisely because I know that in real life we're on the same side.

And - well, Mike Stryker paddled in lipstick. What's not to love?

The New Governess runs at nearly 19 minutes and includes both F/M and F/F, with Mike and I both subjected to hand spankings, over the knee paddlings and the cane. It comes with 60 hand-captured screengrabs and 24 high definition photos by Tricia Sullivan.

Our other recent F/F film also plays on the theme of dressing up, and being dressed by undressed by a lady in charge. In After the Play Party, however, the mood is much more consensual and sexy. This is the steamiest Zoe and I ever got on camera, and it made for a highly memorable, intensely erotic scene.


This film is the sequel to Adornment. At the start of the evening, Zoe dressed me up to her liking, and gave me some vivid cane stripes to wear under my outfit. Now, we're home from the play party and fizzing with energy after the fun we had while we were out. But the night is still young.

Zoe toys with me and teases me, pulling at the nipple clamps I've been wearing all evening under my dress. She spanks, straps and canes me over the thin silk, then makes me remove the dress. She delights in cruelly removing the painful nipple clamps, and the sexual energy intensifies as both of us become increasingly excited by the pleasure she takes in hurting me. Finally, she takes her time giving me a hard beating with the riding crop and a thick cane.

Witnessing his punishment

This site is about my own fantasies and experiences as a spankee and switch, but it's funny to see which real life incidents get enshrined in video and which don't. I've just put up the second film on the site which is about a procrastinating university student being punished to help them improve. The first, The Secret to Success, was about consensual discipline sought out and directed by the bottom. This one, Plagiarism, features the more traditional discipline imposed by a teacher on her student... but with a couple of twists.


Mike's procrastination problem has landed him in big trouble. He made the deadline on his latest essay, but he didn't have time to write up all his research in his own words. Suddenly, he's facing accusations of plagiarism.

His tutor Ms Kane and teaching assistant Pandora don't want him to fail her class - they know he's capable of good work. But there isn't time to rewrite the paper before the end of term. They give Mike an option: instead of an F, he can accept corporal punishment, until they're sure that Mike understands the seriousness of the issue. Ms Kane will administer the strapping, and Pandora will witness it. Poor Mike is remorseful and humiliated as he takes his punishment under the watchful eyes of both staff members.

This never quite happened to me, but I certainly missed deadlines and handed in essays that failed to fulfil their potential because I'd started writing too late. In reality, I had to ask my boyfriend Tom to spank me to help me manage my time better; this method would certainly have been more direct!

This storyline isn't intended as derisive towards Mike's character, but sympathetic. I'm sure many of us can identify with his situation. Mike himself, when he saw the scene, said he found it easy to put himself in this character's shoes, and felt like in an alternate universe this might have been him.

Mike took his punishment beautifully, and Dana delivered both the spanking and the scolding with blazing authority. The hottest thing about this scene for me was the eye contact; holding Mike's gaze as he struggled under the strap.

I like the dynamic of having a witness to the punishment, especially a woman watching a man be spanked, and I hope you do too.

New behind the scenes videos

I've just added behind the scenes videos to The Morpheus Club and our latest scene, Marital Discipline. I've written before about why I think behind the scenes material is so important on a kinky porn site:

Behind the scenes footage and out-takes are one of the most effective ways of demonstrating the consent of the performers. Video interviews and smiley post-shoot pictures are good, but I know from my own experience of shooting that even if you didn't really enjoy the shoot, you're expected to put on a smile for the camera at the end, and you're still in "work" mode, so you do. Candid behind the scenes footage is much harder to fake, and you can get a much better sense of the performer's personalities and level of involvement by watching it.

Briefly, here's what I'm trying to do with the behind the scenes stuff:

  • Make it available as much as possible, especially in edgy scenes or scenes with spankees other than myself;
  • Not publish anything which isn't flattering or respectful, or which compromises a performer's privacy;
  • Make it honest, transparent, and publically visible rather than hiding it away on members-only pages.

If you're interested and haven't read the post, take a look; it explains my reasoning in some detail.

I discovered a new Tumblr yesterday which sets out to do similar things: not show the production atmosphere of one particular site, but provide a space for the happy, goofy, silly side of BDSM rather than the serious theatre which most publishers focus on. It's called Happy BDSM and it's made of awesome.

I've submitted the first of these behind the scenes photos from Marital Discipline:

As Dana leads Mike by one arm over her knee, I can't remember which person on set first calls out "Superman!" But after that, we have to pause shooting until everyone has stopped cracking up.

They're both still giggling even after the spanking starts

Of course no matter how much fun everyone's having, behind the scenes on a spanking video shoot isn't all smiles and laughter. There's a lot of thinking and logistics too, planning shots and dialogue and discussing what happens next. I found my early shoots very stressful and I'm sure that spilled over onto my performers to some extent, but I think I've come a long way since then, and this year's shoots have all been pretty laid back behind the scenes.

I've tried to represent the mood of the shoot fairly in all the behind the scenes videos I've published. Sometimes there isn't time to show you everything (I had three hours of behind the scenes footage for episode one of The Morpheus Club!), and sometimes there isn't much to show at all. But I think it's important to give you at least a glimpse of the performers' out-of-character moments. And I'm sure they'll let me know if they think I've rose-tinted anything!

The Morpheus Club: Pandora's Initiation was one example of a more stressful shoot - at least for me. Four actors, only one crew member, dozens of different shots, no storyboard and a director who was bottoming. This shoot was only ten months ago but I'd do it very differently now. But we did it, and the only person who got upset was me. Even after Hywel graciously took over directing responsibilities, I was still too uptight to relax into the CP, and wimped out during the final caning.

Eh, it happens. Everyone was great about it, and Amelia reassured me by telling me that bravery doesn't always work well on camera anyway. And I think she and Hywel had fun despite my fretting. You can watch it all in the behind the scenes video:

Pandora's Initiation: behind the scenes

24 minutes of behind the scenes footage, and that's even after editing! Laughter and cameraderie between takes, and lots of kinky negotiation and discussion as four enthusiasts collaborate to create a unique scene.

On this occasion, Pandora struggles to direct as well as act, and ends up asking the experience Hywel to step in and help her direct. But she still finds it hard to let go and relax into the scene, and has to ask for a break during the final caning. A candid, honest look at the difficulties, as well as the fun side, of improvised BDSM film-making.

This is one of my favourite photos of Mike ever:

Bubbles! Dana gives Mike a foamy nose

Although Trish snapped some amazing candid photos, the behind the scenes video accompanying our latest film Marital Discipline is much shorter and sweeter. No stresses or difficulties on this shoot, thank goodness - everything went delightfully smoothly. We edited most of the shots in camera so there's not huge amounts to show you, but there's some chatter between takes and a couple of gigglesome moments. I filmed two interviews with Mike and Dana on that shoot which I'll publish as the other two scenes go up.

Marital Discipline: behind the scenes

Take a peek behind the scenes during the filming of 'Marital Discipline'. Mike and Dana talk nipple piercings, the difficulty of shuffling with your pants round your ankles, and how long it was since he was last clean shaven. Includes some in-character dialogue and a first take of the ending not used in the final movie.

Dana tickling Mike's polkadotted feet, and delighting in tickling him to make them kick :)

Marital Discipline: F/M celebrating the male spankee

Five years ago, I had no interest in F/M. I had nothing against it; it just wasn't my kink. As a female spankee it didn't seem relevant to my experience.

Then I kept hearing from toppy/switch women frustrated with the lack of sexy imagery focussing on male subs and bottoms. I subscribed to the groundbreaking Filament Magazine (sadly now ended) and learned about the female gaze, and the need for more women to create erotic imagery aimed at women. I read the archives of Male Submission Art and started to notice the way that submissive male performers are sidelined and even mistreated by the adult industry. This is not only unfair and contrary to the principles of ethical production, but it's a feminist issue too. Women have just as much right to quality porn catering to their sexual desires as men, and many women want to look at hot men. The adult industry has some catching up to do.

In December 2008 I filmed my first F/M material with Zoe and Jimmy, found it just as hot as any other spanking content, and started to wonder why I'd never looked at it before.

The longer I spent on the scene, the more I realised that the reason I'd never sought out F/M was that I'd never seen any I liked. Partly this is because of the gender segregation practised by so many websites. I'd never been exposed to it. But since then I've started looking, and I can find very little F/M which eroticises, which celebrates, the male spankee.

Nowadays I identify as a switch, and have enjoyed spanking a few male bottoms in my time. I don't just enjoy the power trip of spanking a man: I enjoy his body, too; the curve of his bottom, the way his toes curl, the subtleties in his voice and his breath. I find a range of male bodies aesthetically pleasing, from the lean to the soft to the chunky, and I find them no less aesthetically pleasing while being spanked.

If I'm watching a man being spanked on video then the male spankee's body isn't an unfortunate side effect of the spanking experience. It's the point. I want to see his body in all its glory. I want to see his face while he's spanked, I want close ups of his wide eyes, bitten lips and flushed cheeks. On video, I want to hear him yelp and catch his breath. I want to see him kick. I don't want to see an anonymous, nameless bottom thrashed by a domme who pouts at the camera rather than connecting with her sub.

Look at any blog or site which publishes F/M imagery. How many male spankees are named? How many have their faces shown? I'll give you a clue: it ain't many.

If I'm watching F/M, I'm in the delicious position of identifying with both halves of the couple. My toppy side identifies with the domme, imagines having that boy to play with. I want the boy to be fuckable, because this is porn and I'm shallow like that. I want to see male spankees who are easy on the eye. But my top side wants to know what he's like, this boy being spanked. What's his name? What's he like? What turns him on? How does he react when you do this? If I'm topping a guy I don't want to play with a piece of meat I don't know from Adam, without ever seeing his face. I want to get to know him, find out what makes him tick. I want to look into his eyes and see the effect I'm having.

Then there's my bottom side. The spankee in me empathises with the male bottom; imagines myself in his place. In order to identify with him, he needs to have an identity. I can't identify with a nameless, personless bottom floating near Mistress Whatsername. I want to identify with a person: I want to watch his journey, understand his experience.

Top and bottom, it adds up to the same thing: I want F/M that shows me a male spankee with personality. I know I'm not alone in wanting this. I've spoken to huge numbers of people who share my frustration. In order to find spanking porn which focuses on the male spankee I have to watch M/M - and I do. But what does that tell you about the extent to which the industry caters to a male audience?

At this point people argue with me: what's wrong with liking F/M that focusses on the domme? It's very popular, after all; lots of people like it. I would like to state, for the record, that I don't think there's anything morally wrong with that mode of F/M. (I do think there's something morally wrong with an industry that refuses to pay male bottoms for their time or expenses, but that's an aside.) Aesthetics and sexual desire are subjective, and if that's your kink, that's okay. It may not be what I like, but I'm not trying to take it away or criticise anyone for liking it. If that's what you want to see, great: I'm glad so many people are catering to your desires. But my desires, and the desires of everyone else I've talked to, male and female, who wants to see porn that celebrates male spankees, currently aren't catered to, and that's the problem I want to address.

My aim is to expand the scope of the genre, not restrict it. Watch femdom with my blessing, if that's what you like. In the meantime, for the rest of us, I offer a new angle on F/M: malesub.

Five years ago, F/M wasn't my thing. It turns out I just wasn't watching the right F/M. Done right, F/M is absolutely my thing. Put it this way: I found this video such a turn on that I got wet while editing it. Repeatedly. At the end of each work day, this was what I was fantasising about.


Marital Discipline

Frustrated with Mike's behaviour despite regular discipline, Dana initiates a little regression. Freshly spanked, bathed and shaved baby smooth, her bratty husband is transformed into a good little boy.

When I sat down with Mike before our shoot to discuss scene ideas and asked him if he had any particular fantasies he'd like to explore, he confessed that he didn't often fantasise about spanking: age play was much more his thing. I've become increasingly interested in the psychology of age play lately, and "little boy/girl" and child/parent roleplay definitely has a place within my kink. It's also very compatible with spanking and discipline, and I've already published a couple of "little girl" photosets on this site.

Of course, one has to be very careful to make it clear that age play is exactly that - roleplay. I thought it might be fun to make that explicit by introducing an age play/regression dynamic into a consensual adult discipline scenario. Mike provided the adorable pink dropseat jammies he wears here, and gamely volunteered to be shaved in order to make the transformation more dramatic. Other than that, I gave Dana and Mike the freedom to take the scene where they would. And boy, did they run with it.

I am in love with so many aspects of this scene: from the playful, affectionate, sexy flirtation between husband and wife which seamlessly integrates with the discipline dynamic; to the mutual trust and respect between both the performers and the characters, and the sensual intimacy of the bathtub sequence. I have a dozen favourite moments but the absolute best ones were all unscripted. Here are my top two:

  1. Early on in the scene, Dana challenges Mike: "Who agreed to this relationship, and the terms of it?" Mike starts to give the reply he thinks she's looking for: "I did". But almost immediately he stops and changes it to we: "We did."

    I fucking love this. The connection and charge between them is immediately ramped up. It moves the conversation from adversarial ("whose fault is this?"), to negotiative, co-operative ("how can we fix this?"). It shifts the focus onto the relationship, the consensual, equal partnership between the two of them. Which makes the ensuing punishment so much hotter.

  2. Towards the end, Dana has a much more obedient, happy, spanked Mike over her knee and is explaining to him that the final part of his punishment will be an early bedtime sleeping on the sofa, and he won't be allowed back into the big bed with her until he's proved he can behave. "Understand?"


    "Yes what?" Mike laughs. "Come on, I want to hear you say it."

    Behind the camera, I'm wondering what Dana likes to be called. Miss? Ma'am? We haven't discussed it. I'm intrigued to see how this will play out.

    Mike is laughing nervously. "Say what?"

    "You know."

    Nervous, blushing, smiling from ear to ear, Mike eventually whispers: "Yes, Mummy." And I melt in a puddle on the floor.

I believe that most CP enthusiasts will find something to enjoy in this scene. The sexual chemistry is sizzling, the roleplay is convincing, warm and funny. Mike is gorgeous, and I defy the ladies not to be won over by his dazzling blue eyes and transformation from neatly bearded man to adorable, babyfaced little boy. Dana is smoking hot, teasing and playful with a hard hand and unquestionable authority.

And oh my god, just look at this bottom:

Even if F/M isn't usually your thing, give this one a try. It might surprise you.

Mike Stryker does Barelesque

I hope he won't mind me posting this, but I LOVED this video of Mike Stryker, our newest spankee, on stage doing a butch, Teddy-boy themed burlesque striptease, and I thought the ladies reading this blog would enjoy it too. He seriously knows how to move!

A well-run campaign

I'm super excited to announce the publication of Dana for Senator, our première scene starring Mike Stryker and Dana Kane. This is the first of four spanking scenes that we filmed on our recent video shoot. Here's the trailer:

This was Mike's first ever dedicated spanking shoot, although he's performed in adult video before, and it was an honour to watch his bottom redden under Dana's expert attentions.

Given how formidable a spanker she is, it's fortunate that Dana is also such a kind, gracious person. She put Mike and I instantly at our ease, and the three of us found lots to chat about as the day progressed. You can catch up with some of our gossip in the behind the scenes video.

Both Mike and Dana are great fun to roleplay with. This scene started life very simply as an F/FM office punishment, but between us it quickly gained depth. I love blending politics with punishment, as anyone who's watched Non-Violent Resistance will be aware, but this was the first time we'd run an electoral politics scenario.

I'm a big fan of The West Wing, and corporal punishment seems to fit pretty neatly into the urgency, efficiency and eccentricity of a well-run political campaign. I reckon Councillor Dana Kane's campaign office sounds like a great place to work!

The most amazing part of this scene, for me, was the pleasure of playing for the first time with both Dana and Mike, and the privilege of watching Mike's bottom mark up so dramatically. As well as acting alongside them, it was my job to look after both of them, particularly Mike, and make sure they were feeling comfortable and having fun. So watching his face closely as he was spanked to keep an eye on how close we were to his limits was, of course, purely professionally motivated. Not perving at all. Nope.

But there was lots more to enjoy: Mike's well-chosen shiny underwear, for instance, which made Dana coo appreciatively way between shots; the warmth of Dana's dominant persona, despite her firmness, and the sense that her character genuinely wanted to help ours learn and improve. Plus the fourth-wall-breaking irony of the two of us getting into trouble for the blank fax confirmations, which was all the fault of the producer for poor attention to detail in the props department. The producer, of course, being moi. So I got what I deserved, I guess, but it was a bit unfair for poor Mike!

Principled porn

There's an article up at the Huffington Post this week by awesome sex worker and activist Kitty Stryker, called Principled Pornography: How Queer/Indie Sites Are Reframing the Industry. It's about ethical porn with reference to some of the work being done by radical, independent and feminist porn studios, and Dreams of Spanking gets a mention. Kitty asks,

Is pornographic material inherently harmful to women and encouraging of violent behaviour in men? Or is it possible to be a socially conscious individual and still make, perform in, and consume pornography?

I say yes. In a capitalist world, granted, any consumption has multiple points of issue to be addressed and paid attention to, from sweatshop labour in clothing factories to migrant farmer rights, but I do believe that porn can be ethically produced.

When I've personally been called upon to describe what the phrase "ethical porn" means to me, I've talked about pornography produced with the pleasure of the participants in mind; porn that does not depend on male-gaze shooting techniques; porn that shows diversity in body types, gender identities, and sexual orientation; porn that allows the performers to have a say in how the action progresses and what happens.  

I'm quoted talking about the heteronormative male gaze and fair pay for male performers. There are also some excellent contributions by performers, producers and directors including Kelly Shibari, Maggie Mayhem and Jiz Lee. Click here to read the full article.

Kitty's partner Mike will be making his debut on Dreams of Spanking tomorrow, in a hot - and, yes, ethically produced - office punishment movie in which he and I get spanked by our new boss, senatorial candidate Ms Dana Kane. Watch this space!

Mike and Dana

Yesterday I had the pleasure of shooting with two new cast members, Dana Kane and Mike Stryker. Mike had replied to my ad on Fetlife for male bottoms, and Dana kindly agreed to shoot with us on the first day of her current London trip.

I was excited about working with both of them for the first time. It was slightly nervewracking writing scenes for two people who hadn't met before, especially since I hadn't even met Dana in person myself until the day of the shoot. But it all worked out even better than I'd hoped. 

This was Mike's first ever dedicated spanking shoot, although he was no stranger to either spanking or filming kinky video. Partly to put him at his ease, I decided to co-bottom in two of the scenes and take part in a third as an observer. Not having worked with Dana before, it seemed only fair to sample her spanking style myself first. Our scenarios with a girl and a boy being punished together have gone down well so far - and I still don't know any other spanking site to explore this avenue - so it seemed worth doing while we had the chance. And with two experienced crew behind the camera in Jay and Tricia, I felt that I could step in front of it and leave the videography in safe hands.

The result was that I spent most of the day simultaneously acting/getting spanked and directing. And you know what? It worked fine. I was able to keep the script and storyboard in my head even during my own punishment sequences, directing the shots and thinking ahead to how I was going to edit it. I kept an eye on Mike's tolerances and changed the shot when I thought he needed a breather. At the same time, I didn't struggle coming up with ad libs for my characters or taking my spankings. The scenes flowed beautifully and everything felt calm and efficient.

It was a far cry from my first ever video shoot as both spankee and director, when I got totally overwhelmed and ended up breaking down in tears. I've come a long way in the last three years.

Yesterday was a long, busy, energetic day, and by the end of it I was exhausted. But it was also organised and relaxed, full of laughter and conversation. We stayed on schedule and everyone got on well.

Of course it helped that everyone I shoot with is awesome. That's why I shoot with them! But I never tire of putting talented, likeminded people together for the first time and watching new connections forged and new friendships start to bloom. From start to finish, although we all worked hard, the day never really felt like work. Hanging out with cool people, playing hot scenes, creating kinky works of art ... this is why shooting is still my favourite part of the process.

It was a gloriously sunny day, prompting us to make use of the great natural light. Dana and Mike both blew me away with their performances. Dana is a total pro, warm and funny off camera and taking on the persona of a strict disciplinarian at a moment's notice. Her toppy dialogue and pacing and control of a scene are remarkable.

Mike was a star. You guys are going to love Mike. Beautiful big blue eyes, a sunny smile that lights up his face, and a round bubble butt that quickly turned cherry red under Dana's hand. He took four hard punishment scenes like a champion, and from the smiles I was pretty sure he enjoyed himself. But you can make up your own mind when you watch the behind the scenes material.

We filmed four clips, from an election campaign office (Dana for president!) to a college student in trouble, gender-bending teenagers being taken in hand by a strict new governess, and loving marital discipline. The latter is very special indeed, and shows just how game Mike was. Although they'd just met, he and Dana turned this scene into a sizzling, sexy, consensual domestic discipline storyline full of affection and trust, with a delicious mummy/boy dynamic just breaking the surface. I believe this may be the first ever spanking film to feature a male bottom having his beard shaved off on camera:

How awesome is that? I can't decide whether Mike is more handsome with the beard or clean shaven, but his spanked bottom looks amazing rising out of those adorable dropseat jammies.

My only regret is that it was over so quickly. I hope the time doesn't pass too slowly until I can get both Dana and Mike back to shoot with us again.

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