I love public displays of affection – when you as a stranger are treated to a little glimpse of how people are when they're alone.
After they'd shot this intimate spanking scene, Zak and Charlie sat whispering and cuddling on a sofa in the pub, and when I walked in you could see them radiate intimacy and warmth and happiness. I sidled up to Pandora and she couldn't contain her excitement: “we've just shot some amazing porn!” Then, with Zak interjecting occasionally, and Charlie 'mmm'-ing and nodding in a blissed-out state of happiness, she proceeded to tell me all about it.
So to say I've been excited to see this one is a bit of an understatement. I've known Zak and Charlie for a couple of years, having met in 2014 at Eroticon. They're both erotic writers, and so I'm more used to chatting to them about the written word than about the kind of intimate, explicit video they created that day. But there's something incredibly cool about hearing two lovely friends go over the details of the scene they've filmed – and how excited they are to share it with others.
If you want to get a sense of this feeling, you can read their blogs alongside watching the scene – Zak's Eroticon, Erotica and Porn and Charlie's 'Love, Camera, Action!' which explains how the scene came about:
Pandora Blake, having given a presentation on how to go about making your own porn, happened to mention that she was available if anyone was interested in shooting something that evening. Suddenly a few disparate thoughts coalesced and I sent a text message to the delightfully devious Zak saying, roughly, “I know this sounds a bit weird, but how do you feel about shooting a porn film?”
There are so many brilliant moments in this scene that work in exactly the same way as that public display of affection on the sofa in the pub: they show you how Charlie and Zak play in private. They are little flags of intimacy and closeness – from the way his toes curl when he's taking sharp smacks with the paddle to the murmurs and moans that Zak reads so skilfully to work out when to comfort and when to keep spanking.
If you're a fan of loving domination, and watching real BDSM play partners, then you'll adore this scene. And with two incredible people – Charlie's smart, debonair moustache contrasts so beautifully with his naked vulnerability when he presents his red bottom for a spanking. (Extra bit of behind the scenes gossip: Charlie's bright red because he was given a spanking by Pandora a little earlier in the day – it was an awesome day, I'm telling you). Zak is simultaneously controlled and eager. She uses skilled hands to work Charlie's cock into a rock-solid erection, but although her face shows that she's hungry to let him come, she holds off until he's trembling under the effort of keeping control.
It's a really subtle, flowing form of tease and denial – one which is only possible when a dominant knows a submissive so well that they can read their expressions like a book. Pandora tells me that they didn't need to cut at any point during the whole scene (of which this is just part 1 – part 2 is coming soon), as both performers just got immersed in the familiar flow of spanking, caressing, kissing, and touching.
So watch the scene, fall a little bit in love with Zak and Charlie, and then picture how they looked on the sofa when I went to meet them in the pub. Arms around each other, relaxed, happy looks on their faces, and a glowing remnant of the intimacy they'd just captured perfectly on camera.
How do I describe Vix Vixxxen? She's like the embodiment of all the cool I have ever wanted to be.
She is the riot grrl shouting on the front lines of a protest. In her latest photoset, dressed in stiletto heels and fishnet tights, wielding a knife ready to rip off her clothes, Vix is almost every girl I've ever had a crush on.
Vix Vixxen is the argument you have with your mum when she tells you that you can't get your nose pierced. She is my teenage angst and my adult lust all rolled into one.
When you look at porn – whether it's a romantic spanking video, a hard thrashing, or a personality-packed punk striptease photoset like this one – it's often hard not to project yourself onto the stars. When I watch someone getting spanked there's a part of my brain that's imagining it's me.
But when I look at Vix Vixxxen I feel more aspirational. I can't put myself in her position, because I am too busy being in awe of her cool. As she poses for the camera, smoking a cigarette, I remember times when I've tried to pull off the same look and not got it quite right.
As she bends over to show her ripped fishnets, I remember times I've done the same by accident – incompetently putting a finger through the net when I'm in the toilet, rather than the deliberate, cheeky rebelliousness of slashing at them with a knife or corkscrew.
Vix Vixxxen is all the cool punks and goths at parties who shared their vodka with me. She's the chorused 'YEAH!' in response to a lead singer shouting 'are you having a good time?!' at a metal gig.
She's the snarl you'd like to give when twats on the street catcall you. She's the middle finger you wish you could flip at your boss. Vix Vixxxen is the moment the bullied kid at school stops cowering from their tormentors and stands up to throw a punch.
But I know, of course, that behind all porn performers there are real people. It's just that sometimes the people – and the fantasies – that they create on camera, are so much more than what you see on the surface.
Vix Vixxxen's shoot is intensely sexy from the first picture - whether she's tearing at her knickers, hanging from the bars in her jail cell, or bending over in her red stillettos. And I could have spent this blog describing in detail just how hot every movement and pose and action is. But the sexiest thing of all about Vix is her don't-give-one-single-fuck attitude.
To paraphrase my Mum, from those teenage arguments so long ago: it's not what she does, it's the way she does it.
You'll see what I mean.
Like a lot of people I've been plagued with a rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings since the UK voted to leave the EU.
The outcome of the referendum has left me feeling, more than ever, that this isn't really my country, or at the very least, not the country I thought I was in. I got a similar sense of shock and confusion after the general election last year, a feeling of "how can everyone else's view of the world be so different from mine?"
So what to do in the face of a huge sensation of not-belonging? There is a part of me that's seriously contemplating moving up to Scotland. I was born north of the border and have some friends and family ties up there. But also I feel like the political climate in Scotland is one I prefer, having voted strongly for Labour historically and overwhelmingly to remain in the EU.
However, leaving feels like running away. I guess makes sense because the referendum left myself and many others feeling confused, powerless, frightened of the changes and the attitudes I see rising up around me. Bigotry, racism, hatred, all given that bit more voice, that hint of legitimacy. It worries me; it scares me.
But I don't want to give in to that fear. When I think back to Eroticon Live in Bristol this year and shooting porn with Zak and Pandora, I felt so, so different. I felt indestructible after that, a feeling that what we'd done was something I could be truly proud of. I was filled with the idea of a sort of defiant vulnerability, if that makes sense? Because in that moment I was utterly unapologetically me. Not the cleaned up compromised presentable version, but me as I am.
I worry about where this country is going, and of what I can do. But there's a part of me that knows that running isn't the answer and that maybe, just maybe, being myself and refusing to apologise for it can make a difference. So I guess I wanted to say thank you to Pandora, and everyone who helps at Dreams of Spanking, for doing what they do, being who you are, and helping me find a space to be me.
A couple of weeks ago, when I had the pleasure of introducing you to Zak Jane Keir and Charlie Forrest’s style of loving dominance, there was something pretty significant I was holding back: the ending.
Part one was a gorgeous sensual spanking – with all the kissing, touching and caressing that makes me fall in love with spanking videos that feature real-life BDSM play partners. But I was also itching to tell you about part two…
I held back from revealing too much of what (and who) comes in part 2. There are so many moments of hotness: Charlie’s straining erection, aching desire, and that subtle gasp-moan as he tries not to come. Sometimes it’s hard to hold back, but I managed it, so today I get to talk to you about the second part of Zak and Charlie’s scene, and the beauty of orgasm control.
Orgasm control is one of those kinks that I feel everyone must understand. Regardless of whether they participate in it, the key lust triggers are things that most sexual people have experienced at some point in their life. The look on the face of someone who is desperate to orgasm, or the throbbing sensation in your own cock or cunt as you’re balanced precariously on the edge. At points wondering if you’ll be able to restrain yourself or you’ll just explode everywhere.
The second part of Charlie and Zak’s scene captures all of this – much of it through Zak’s eyes. We get her point of view, looking down or up at Charlie’s face as he bites his lip. We get lingering, delicious close-ups of his cock, which is rock-solid and twitching in anticipation of permission.
“Please may I come, mistress?”
That phrase is loaded with so much – especially in light of the playful way Zak’s been teasing Charlie with her hands, mouth, and breasts. It’s not just a polite request, or a ritual, or an impassioned plea: it’s also performative. Charlie knows, even in the moment when he’s so turned on he has to rush to get the words out all in one quick breath, that he has a role to play too. His role is to come exactly when – and only when – Zak allows it.
But the beauty of Zak and Charlie’s style of loving dominance is that orgasm control doesn’t have to follow the strict (and samey) roles that you’d expect from mainstream porn: he begs, she says no, he comes anyway, she beats him. Or from a Top 10 Ways To Dominate Someone advice guide: tease, deny, let him come explosively, then reward him afterwards. No, Zak pushes Charlie through one explosive orgasm, as he moans and screws his face up at the cathartic feeling of pleasure and failure. And then… she comforts him and consoles with the same soft words and gentle admonishment that you’d expect from a partner who knew their lover well.
Orgasm control is often something that you think of in one particular way: we know the rules and how it goes, and expect certain things. But Zak and Charlie have a natural flow, and their natural flow seems to come not from a standard checklist of things to do or say, but from what feels utterly right to them in the moment. Yesterday Charlie wrote an incredible blog post – about belonging and not belonging, and how his experience shooting porn with Zak and Pandora made him feel.
“I felt indestructible after that, a feeling that what we'd done was something I could be truly proud of. I was filled with the idea of a sort of defiant vulnerability, if that makes sense? Because in that moment I was utterly unapologetically me. Not the cleaned up compromised presentable version, but me as I am.”
Defiant vulnerability is such a brilliant way to put it. The way Charlie looks when Zak pushes him through his first orgasm, and even as she contemplates wringing a second out of his trembling body. I won’t spoil the surprise as to whether that happens, because the incredible thing about Zak and Charlie is that whatever unfolds, it all feels natural. From the initial teasing and sensual spanks right through to orgasm – somehow not what you expect, but so perfect that when it happens you know it’s exactly right.
Sorry, I’ve gone on about it there in probably far too much detail when I’m sure you’re itching to just watch the awesome, orgasmic scene already. Like I said at the beginning, though: sometimes it's hard to hold back.