I made a fool of myself on Monday.
@Steampunkato posted a link to this announcement revealing that her site Steamgirl would expand to include a new brother site, Steamboy.com. I admired Steamgirl when it launched a few weeks ago for the quality of its fashion, interior and graphic design - and it's always good to see models opening their own sites and doing their own production and marketing. Never mind that the models are all white, skinny women for now - it's a solo model site, and diversity can come later.
So when I learned that the announced launch of Steamboy.com, rather than being good news for fans of the female gaze, was instead an April Fool, it made me realise how wrong I've been.
I mean, can you imagine? A porn site devoted entirely to pictures of men? The very idea! How silly of me to think for an instant that they might have been serious. Men in porn are of course inherently hilarious, and only a fool would believe that anyone would actually want to look at them erotically. Who would take that idea seriously? The whole concept is just beautifully absurd. What a funny, funny joke!
Of course in good old reality, the truth of the matter is that male bodies are gross. In fact they are so aesthetically disgusting that no-one in their right mind would want to look at them, and the idea of doing so is inherently hilarious. I mean ewwww, can you imagine looking at a man? They have those awful dangly bits, you know! Disgusting and silly, all in one package! Hahaha, ew!
No no. Everyone knows only women are ever sex objects - in fact, this is their prime purpose, so much so that they are capable of little else, and the word "sexy" is practically synonymous with "feminine". It is literally impossible for something to be simultaneously "sexy" and "masculine" or "male". This is because only heterosexual men have sexual desires. I mean some weird minorities might find the occasional man sexy - such as queer men, or maybe women - but they don't count because everyone knows women don't actually like sex. And it's not like anyone other than heterosexual men has EYES.
Dear me, how stupid I've been all this time to think that anyone wanted to look at men. In porn! As if they were sexy! I just feel so silly, you know? All these years I've been thinking men could look pretty damn hot, but now I find out they're actually disgusting! More fool me!
Whoever decided which photos were going to end up on dreamsofspanking.com has an eye for what a dominant woman wants to see in a photo. If you buy a membership (which you really should. Judging by just the Musclebound set, Pandora creates amazingly high quality content), you’ll see that in the whole set there are quite a few photos of my very favourite pose (the one up top, as it happens). In that kneeling pose, Will just looks so deliciously open and vulnerable. His gorgeous creamy skin would look amazing marked up a little, and oh I love the way muscular men look in bondage. I hate the myth that only weak, pathetic men ever submit, so it’s especially nice to see someone in bondage who looks like he could pick me up and toss me around.
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Luckily, Fetlife commenters are around to set us right.
For instance, when I posted the above preview photo of our new spanking film The Tailor's Apprentice, starring Michael Darling and Sebastian Hawley, and it looked like some people might actually enjoy looking at it, red_handed_OTK rushed in to correct us all:
Bubblebutt41 is quite right, of course. It is physically impossible for Michael's bottom to be peachy, curvy and gorgeous at the same time as being masculine. Some off-the-wall types might enjoy looking at it, but this is only possible because Michael's bottom is secretly a woman's. It's the only logical explanation! It can't be manly and also sexy, after all. The two are mutually exclusive - as any fule no.
If, like me, you are a fool who persists in the silly idea that male bottoms can be rather nice to look at - and Michael Darling's in particular is a delicious, rosy peach - you will probably like our latest video, The Tailor's Apprentice (part 1). Here's the free trailer:
The Tailor's Apprentice (part 1)
Bratty Mr Darling makes such a fuss while being fitted for a suit that the tailor's apprentice is obliged to resort to drastic measures. Sebastian has been told to get this difficult client's suit made up if he wants to keep his job - no matter what it takes.
When the snobbish young gentleman persistently refuses to co-operate, a desperate Sebastian bends him over and uses his wooden ruler to give him the discipline he clearly needs.
This scene was inspired a year or so ago when I stumbled across the amazing art of Nickie Charles on tumblr. Specifically, this piece:
I always had Sebastian Hawley in mind for the role of the tailor - with his neat and tidy appearance and service-oriented kink he is simply perfect. Initially the client's resemblance to Tom made me think that this was a scene in which customer spanks tailor, but then I decided it would be much more fun to make it a switch storyline. Tom doesn't switch, so Michael Darling was cast as the bearded client.
Talking it over with Michael and Sebastian, we collectively decided that it would be a bit too problematic and classist for an aristocratic client to punish a service worker; we all felt much more comfortable with Michael initially earning himself a whacking through being outrageously rude and snobbish, and then getting his own back.
There are so many things I love about this scene. How hot the boys look in their three piece suits; the stellar performances each of them puts in; the almost accidental, entirely off-hand full frontal shots (phwoar!); the number of times Sebastian is obliged to measure Michael's full, round, peachy bottom (I didn't realise this before, but I apparently have a bit of a bottom-measuring fetish). And the spanking and scolding are pretty convincing, too. Sebastian in righteous angry top mode makes me all hot and flustered.
Part 2 is scheduled for a few week's time, so check back next month to see what happens next.
Tom here, standing in for Pandora as she makes preparations for her US trip next week. Our latest film is a very exciting historical drama starring two of the most talented and beautiful actresses in the British spanking scene, Caroline Grey and Amelia Jane Rutherford. The scene page includes a gallery of 107 high quality, visually stunning photos by Amelia's real life husband, renowned fetish photographer Hywel Phillips.
This twenty minute film features strict scolding, authentic vintage bloomers and petticoats, plenty of flouncing and pouting, and firmly administered over the knee spankings.
Sneaking out to a dance in town, spirited young ladies Caroline and Amelia are caught by Amelia's stuffy governess. She hauls them both upstairs and shows Caroline what happens to young ladies in this house when they misbehave. Miss Blake takes each girl over her knee and gives her a firm, no-nonsense spanking with her hand and leather paddle.
I've very much enjoyed watching Pandora's professional topping style evolve and develop over the past year or so, and this piece gave her more opportunity to exercise her dominant voice than most. I always find improvised scolding the hardest thing about topping on camera, and so I notice it when done well by others. Pandora presents a well-controlled performance, poised and strict without being overly harsh.
Those who've been following our progress over the years will know that we do like our historical dramas at Dreams of Spanking. Twisted history has long been a favourite source of fantasies for many people. It also offers wonderful costume opportunities; impressively, Caroline and Amelia both created the vintage outfits they wear in this film themselves.
Many of us, if pressed, would admit that we do what we do in part out of a love of playing dress-up (when we're not building sofa-forts). Ladies in bloomers are always a beautiful sight, and both Amelia and Caroline look stunning with their perfect, peachy bottoms rising out of parted white cotton and frothing petticoats.
That day the team also filmed a sequel in which the young ladies are joined by a dashing young footman, played by our newest star Will, who joins them in getting into trouble with the strict governess.
The Edwardian Governess is a must-see film for anyone who shares our tastes for firm-but-fair discipline and the stylings of a by-gone age.
Well, I'm back from my week in the US, connecting with my kinky chosen family and getting up to all sorts of adventures at Boardwalk Badness Weekend. I have lots of spanking and travel-related stories to tell, and I'll be posting them over at my personal blog over the next few days.
Meanwhile Dreams of Spanking has been kept updated, with a video and a photogallery last week, and a brand new scene that I published from my hotel room in Atlantic City. We've got a mixture of new F/M and F/F scenes for you including sexy strap-on domination, historical birching, and a hilarious unscripted spanking card game.
On Your Knees has received a lot of positive attention so far, and it's not surprising when you consider that this photo gallery features the stunning Ten Amorette in red lipstick, high heels and a lacy dress that shows off her body to perfection.
Not only that, but this lesbian domination scene includes the riding crop, face slapping, and making Ten suck my big purple strap-on. Hot!
On Your Knees
Ten kneels on the bed wearing high heels and a dress that reveals more than it hides. Pandora caresses her body and teases her with her strap-on, smearing it across Ten's lips. When Ten refuses to suck it, Pandora slaps her face and shoves her over the end of the bed, then spanks her with her hand and lays on strokes with the whippy riding crop. Finally compliant, Ten accepts a kiss, and Pandora's cock.
A very sexy lesbian dominance and submission photo gallery starring two ladies with sizzling on-screen chemistry.
In The Undergardener's Birching, Sebastian went well above and beyond the call of duty in the face of the English weather, lowering his underwear for 30 strokes of the birch on a cold bottom.
The Undergardener's Birching
Spotted sneaking back below stairs after a night out drinking, a lowly undergardener is taken to task by the stern Housekeeper. He has disgraced the household, and the punishment that follows is no more than he deserves.
Braced against the trunk of a tree in the grounds where he works, Sebastian bares his bottom for 30 stinging strokes of the birch. By the end of this short, sharp film Sebastian's bottom is striped with vivid welts. A tantalising glimpse into the strict discipline of a bygone age.
Running at only eight minutes long, this is a "short sharp shock" style punishment film, with some scolding and 30 stinging strokes of the birch, hard enough to draw blood, crammed into that timeframe. Sebastian had always wanted to try the birch and he took it manfully, but it was nearly freezing on an English December day and even we aren't sadistic enough to want to make the experience last any longer than necessary.
Afterwards we bundled him up nice and warm and he snuggled up on the sofa for some well-deserved recovery time.
Ring of Fire
Join three likeminded switch ladies in high heels and 50s dresses for fun and frolics in this self-indulgent spanking card game. With four implements and 52 cards dictating the play at random, the result is an hour-long, candid, uncut, unscripted spankstravaganza! Includes a total of over 350 strokes of hand, tawse, strap and cane.
No-one watching this film can have any doubt that these three ladies just adore giving and receiving corporal punishment for the sheer joy of it.
The rules of the game are as follows: take a pack of cards, and spread them out in a circle. Choose four implements and assign each suit (hearts, diamonds, spades, clubs) to an implement - in our case, hand, tawse, strap and cane. Take it in turns to draw a card, youngest goes first, and each turn the number of the card defines the number of strokes from the implement assigned to that suit.
Punishment is given by the player on your left, but when a Jack is drawn, this swaps to the person on your right, until another Jack is drawn. When you draw a Queen you remove an item of clothing. Aces are a "waterfall" - form a circle and the player whose turn it is starts spanking. The spanking is passed around the circle, and no-one can stop until the first player stops.
The first player to draw a King receives 6 strokes of the first suit (ie hand) from each player; the second King is 6 of the hand and 6 of the tawse from each player, the third King is 6 each of hand, tawse and strap, and the player who draws the final King receives 6 strokes of every implement from every other player.
We played with three of us, which meant we were all very active, both topping and bottoming - if you had more players you would get a longer rest between turns. But the more players you have, the more extreme the King cards become, so think carefully before starting a game of ten players!
The total play time was almost exactly 1 hour, and including the pre-game negotiation and after-game hugs, this film is an uninterrupted, uncut 71 minutes of non-stop spanking action, friendship and hilarity. We were totally sober but as the endorphines kicked in we all became high and giggly on spanking, and the game proved to be exactly the right length as by the end we could barely wield a cane!
If this sounds like fun to you, I can assure you that the reality is even more brilliant than you might imagine. There's no winning and no losing, just mutual give and take of spanking for the sheer joy of it. Round up some switchy mates and give it a try, we can highly recommend it. And if you do, stop back and leave a comment to tell us how it went.
Who likes short shorts? We like short shorts! Continuing our current theme of candid, unscripted spankings, our newest video is a fun, behind the scenes starring myself and the adorable Alex Reynolds, filmed when she came to stay with me a few weeks ago.
A friend gave us matching pairs of denim short shorts and snug yoga pants, and although our official Dreams of Spanking shoot was already over, we couldn't pass up the opportunity to spank each other in our tight new shorts - and, of course, capture the whole thing on video. The result is a fun-filled 20 minute video filled with hugging, hilarity and hand spanking. Here's the full free video in its entirety:
Alex also gave me several firm swats of the wooden paddle on the seat of my shorts. I don't know why, but something about tight denim puts me in the mood for wood.
Short Shorts is available for everyone to view in full HD, members and non-members alike, and the scene page also includes 48 free, full resolution screen grabs. We shot it on a single camera without anyone else to help, so it's a lot more simple than most of the films on this site. Consider it a present from Alex and me to celebrate our hot new pairs of shots, and the fun we had during her stay. I promise you that you'll never look at seahorses the same way again!