I recently had the opportunity to realise a huge personal fantasy - a particularly edgy domestic discipline scenario. The key element of the fantasy is severe, perhaps excessive punishment from an angry paternal figure; I might kick, struggle, cry, say I'm sorry and beg him no, but the whipping continues regardless. In my fantasies the punishment takes various forms, but when I had to choose one to immortalise in video I opted for a severe belt whipping of over 100 strokes, delivered nearly full force without a warm-up.
Here's the trailer for my Belt Whipping Fantasy:
This scene includes lots of kicking, struggling, and begging, and the whipping proceeds regardless for over 100 very hard strokes. It continued past the point where I was saying "please, no", and past the point where it broke down my resistance and I started to cry. This was a hugely cathartic and satisfying experience for me.
Crying during spanking is a thorny issue, and shooting this scene inspired me to blog about it recently. In this case, the floodgates opened about three quarters of the way through. I'd stopped trying to struggle and fight back, and had reached that point in the whipping where I was just knuckling down and trying to get through it.
Even though I'd surrendered, even though I was sorry, nonetheless Tom aimed a particularly hard stroke low on my thighs. Rather than feeling indignant at the unfairness of it, it just tipped me over the edge. I accepted the pain without argument. It just made me more aware of my own helplessness. I broke out in genuine, gulping sobs and tears poured down my face. The punishment continued remorselessly, which is of course exactly how I wanted it.
Of course, this sort of edgy scenario can be problematic for viewers. I find the idea of helplessness, severity and punishments that aren't necessarily fair or consensual incredibly hot, but as a porn user I struggle to enjoy videos telling this sort of story unless I have absolute, cast-iron certainty that the spankee was privately enjoying the experience. One of my main aims with this website is to solve the problem of how viewers can tell that a dark, severe or edgy fantasy video was produced by performers who not only consented, but did so enthusiastically, and had fun with it.
Behind the scenes videos are one way of showing this, as are blogposts like this one. There has been some debate about portraying certain fantasies in porn in the UK this year, and one criticism was that if videos are taken out of context, it can be very hard to tell the difference between good acting, and a shoot that was genuinely unpleasant for the spankee. I had the idea of bringing some of the behind the scenes material into the video itself, so that as well as seeing the fantasy, you also see some of the making-of before and after. Right now I'm loving the idea of showing real negotiation of kinky scenes, including communication before and after, as a way to make production more transparent, and perhaps provide some examples of healthy communication in kinky relationships.
I can testify that it is absolutely possible to realise a severe, edgy, violent and boundary-pushing fantasy in a safe, responsible and enjoyable way - but a lot goes into it beyond the roleplay itself. There's preparation and talking beforehand, choosing positions and implements, negotiating limits and details. There's breaks, if necessary, during the scene; and there's aftercare and cuddles once it's over. I like watching videos of rather nasty things happening to people, and as a pornographer I think it's important to produce them in a way that's empowering for the "victim". I'm interested in showing that part of the process as well as the fantasy itself.
So Pandora's Belt Whipping Fantasy opens with me talking about this scene beforehand, what makes it hot for me, and how I feel going into it. We then videoed my chat with Tom in which I told him about the scene - I hadn't shared some of the details with him until this conversation and I wanted to show the negotiation, and his responses, live as they happened. We agree various specifics, and then go straight into the roleplay. Later, after the punishment sequence is complete, the camera keeps rolling as we drop out of character and react to the scene.
I was a bit nervous about this format, in case viewers told me they found the behind the scenes sections ruined their suspension of disbelief and prevented them from getting into the fantasy. But so far the feedback I've received has been overwhelmingly positive. This is definitely a format I will consider using again, especially for darker or more severe scenes.
Personally, when dabbling in extreme kinky fantasies, I'm much more comfortable if it's an experience that's led and initiated by the spankee rather than imposed on them. On this site you can guarantee that any scene I am spanked in is one I sought out for myself; and since launching Dreams of Spanking I've enacted more of my fantasies than I ever imagined. This website provides a safe space for me to explore my darkest fantasies; and hopefully a safe space for you to enjoy them, too.