A month and a half ago, just before the sudden and dramatic change in our housing situation, Tom and I were getting ready for our weekly Wednesday night date. This was the time when we would deal with any punishments arising from our domestic discipline arrangement, in which he was helping me keep track of my exercise routine. I'd just come out of the bath when he came in to ask if I'd be interested in setting up my camera and recording some of our play ... and mentioned that he had in mind a rather more extended scene than I might usually expect on a weeknight.
My heart leapt, and following my gut instinct, I instantly agreed. Although I saw a lot more of Tom while I was living with him than I ever had before, both our busy work lives and his chronic illness continually prevented us from having as much time and energy for play as we might like. Since I first started forming the concept of Dreams of Spanking in my head, I knew I wanted to shoot an ongoing sequence of candid films expressing the intimacy of my romantic D/S dynamic with my partners in the bedroom. No roleplay, no complex scenarios, no characters, no scripts: just me and my doms, doing what we do.
Over the last five years my blog has provided a fulfilling outlet for sharing my kinky life with others, stimulating my inner exhibitionist and paving the way for some amazing dialogues, dizzying learning curves and warm and lasting friendships. Once I started making films, it seemed only natural to start thinking about using my newfound skills to express the joy and power of my kinky life in a new medium.
Dreams of Spanking is focussed on stories because that's the core component of my fantasy life. But in reality, my personal play is very different. In fantasy my kink is non or semi-consensual; an unavoidable hardship during a thrilling adventure, or the misfortune suffered by the victim of a Victorian melodrama. Many of my fantasies are asexual and are instead about suffering, punishment or injustice. In reality, my kink is deeply, joyfully consensual; erotic and sexual; romantic, intimate and real. I may not fantasise about this sort of spanking, but that doesn't make it any less a part of who I am. If my creative mission is to express the breadth and depth of my spanking kink as fully and as honestly as possible (and while I have a lot of political aims as well, that goal is very much at the heart of what I'm doing), then it should include the actual expression of my kink as well as the stories of my imagination.
Besides, although the camera can enhance my pain tolerance in some cases, there are other ways in which private scenes enable me to go further up and further in. Most of the hardest scenes I've played have been in the bedroom, as have all the scenes in which I've reached subspace. I have too big a severity kink not to want to take advantage of that and try to capture the experience on film.
So I'd been thinking about this for a while. I knew Tom was interested, so it was just a question of waiting until the stars aligned and we both had sufficient time, good health and kinky energy simultaneously. Occasionally I'd raise the idea, but not wanting to pressure him I mostly left the timing in Tom's hands. Which is why, when he made the suggestion, I leapt at the chance.
The premise was based on Tom giving me the chance to earn another merit badge. At the start of this year my friends at Kinky Merit Badges, to celebrate the launch of their new venture, kindly gave me a sample of each of their initial set of badges. Well, actually they gave them to D; and after D had taken his pick, he offered the remainder to Tom. The idea was that as I earned each badge from one partner or the other, I would blog about the scene and thus provide my friends with a little free publicity. I was delighted by the whole concept, and couldn't wait to start earning my badges.
So far, D had orchestrated opportunities to bestow the Spanking and Bondage badges, but I hadn't yet earned any from Tom. I knew that in order to earn a badge something unusually dramatic would be required of me, and given how hard Tom and I like to play in the usual course of things, I was more than a little nervous. But when he said that he planned to give me the chance to earn my Caning merit badge, my first thought was simply: what a wonderful basis for a film!
After that it was just a question of working out the logistics and deciding on the best setup and schedule for the evening. I didn't know the details of what he had in mind for the scene, but suddenly I had to think about lighting and camera angles as well as my makeup and outfit. We decided to keep it simple with a single light and camera position throughout, as we knew that any attempt to move the camera for a different angle ran the risk of causing faff and stress and breaking the mood. I went for a side-on shot as I lay on the bed which included my face and bottom in profile, with Tom behind me facing the camera. The plan was to turn the camera on and leave it running as the evening unfolded, to capture our play in as candid and natural a way as possible.
We also made the decision not to ignore the camera, but to engage with it in a sort of "video diary" way. This freed us up not only to communicate how we were feeling, and share personal tidbits at relevant moments without trying to artificially shoehorn the information into our own dialogue, but it also gave us the option of moving me around in relation to the camera throughout the scene, to create the effect of several different camera angles without ever moving the equipment. I hadn't seen this done before so it was a bit of an experiment, but having edited, I think it worked rather well.
Unfortunately, we weren't able to turn off the server running in Tom's room without cutting off internet to a number of other people. Leaving it on seemed like the best decision in the spur of the moment, but when I came to edit the footage I realised quite how much the microphone had picked up on the electronic whine. The worst part was that it seemed to be roughly the same frequency as human speech, so I was unable to enhance our voices without increasing the noise. I'm loudmouthed enough that this wasn't a problem for me, but Tom (as a direct counterpoint to the loud, arrogant tops you meet on the scene sometimes) has deliberately cultivated a courteous, soft-spoken scene persona. I find it very sexy, but it does mean that when he's not Acting it can be hard to hear what he's saying. I did my best with the sound editing on the video, but next time (and oh, yes, there will certainly be a next time) we'll make a point of turning off any electronic equipment which might be picked up, and I'll remind Tom to project his voice a little more than he usually does in bed.
Still, despite the sound issues, I'm really happy with how this film turned out. We ended up with an hour of usable footage (after cutting some pauses to answer calls of nature, and other private moments). It does not have high production values, nor an ambitious storyline. But it does include scenes of genuine, candid intimacy, romance, dominance and submission; and real punishment as part of a real life domestic discipline arrangement, including some honest and unrehearsed negotiation.
And it's action packed, too: 39 strokes of the bath brush (that was the DD punishment), followed by an extended, dreamy D/S session in which I flew my way happily and willingly through a hundred hard strokes of the cane, working up from one of our medium canes to one of the heaviest and thickest in our collection; then twenty strokes with a light whippy cane on my nipples (bizarrely, one of the hardest things I have taken on camera, bringing me nearly to tears - and you can see it all on my face; I was too embarrassed to watch those bits while I was editing!) followed by thirty hard strokes of the razor strop, at my request. By the end my bottom was welted, bruised and thoroughly punished, and I was basking in the blissful, languid relaxation of someone who's just received one hell of a spanking.