Watching Tight Trouser Tease got me thinking about bodies; my body, others’ bodies and just how much we are up against in terms of understanding and accepting our bodies. In this film, Pandora talks about the changes to their body during pregnancy and how delightful it has been. It led me to a few questions, the most challenging of which was: If loving our bodies is good for us, as we can hopefully all agree it is, why then do we appear to be in an almost global crisis when it comes to physical self esteem?
There is a lot of talk about bodies in media and culture right now, from censorship to sex work, to reproductive rights, gender autonomy, body image, and let’s not forget the age old debate of Fit v. Fat. Our bodies are constantly under scrutiny. One would think that with the world at large so up in arms about who can do what with their body, and the unreasonable “norms” we are expected to conform to, that we’d be kinder to ourselves in light of all that negativity. Sadly, these wounds run deep for so many, and getting out from under that systemic microscope can be a significant challenge.
Like many, I have personally been on a crusade to heal and improve my self-image of my body. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I have definitely picked up some jewels of wisdom along the way. Everyone’s path is different in this regard, but here are some reminders and strategies that I have found useful in navigating “body positivity”:
Habits are hard to change, but not impossible
Our words and actions are more powerful than we sometimes realize. One way in which this seems almost universally true is self-talk. If every morning while you brush your teeth you stare into the mirror and tell yourself how good, miraculous and worthy your body is, and how proud you are of all it accomplishes, you will inevitably be able to better embrace and accept your body than if you scowl and criticize and bully yourself.
But here’s the rub: that’s so much easier to say than do. It takes awareness, commitment and dedication to change those inner monologues. Be gentle with yourself. If you catch yourself being harsh, ask yourself if you’d say those same things to a friend or family member? You deserve the same respect you give others.
My body does an awful lot for me, and I bet yours does too. Sure, mine doesn’t rock climb or run very fast, it’s soft where it’s told it should be firm, but it’s mine, and I’m grateful for it. Health, disability, past trauma and how you were raised to feel about your body can all contribute to not feeling very grateful for the body you have.
An interesting and eye opening exercise is to literally take stock of your body and find all the reasons that it’s so great. Start at your feet and work your way up, finding positive things to say about as many parts of yourself as you can without solely acknowledging how things look. I don’t love the aesthetics of my legs, for example, but telling myself that they are too short and thick to be sexy won’t help me feel good about myself. Noting that they are strong and they take me places and allow me to do the things I love to do, makes me an ally of my legs. Suddenly we are on the same team - and I have bestowed value on them that is not just about how they look.
Bodies are ever-changing … and that’s a good thing!
If you stopped reading this article and looked at your body right now, you would find that much like all other bodies, regardless of size, fitness, wellness, etc, your body is constantly in flux. Our bodies are not static. They are ever changing, and forever giving us new and important information. It is easy to slip into thinking that the iteration of our body that we used to have when we were younger, or the body we could have if only we stopped eating dessert, are superior to the bodies we have right now. But if you wish that you could love your body more, you have to start loving it now. That sounds reductive and oversimplified, but it’s true.
How? Meet yourself, and your body, where you are.
If you want to make changes, do. Or not! But I can tell you this: it’s easier to change your body if you already love it before you ask it to change.
Take your body where it is appreciated
Working on your own body acceptance and celebration is a worthy effort, and something that can be very inspiring to those around you. But if you are met with hostility or resistance from others, or you’re simply tired of being caught up in someone else’s thoughts and feelings and projections about their own body, you owe it to yourself to manage your exposure to those sources of negativity. In short, don’t let anyone derail your efforts or convince you that you are any less worthy than you believe you are. If someone in your life is unable to be respectful and keep their negative comments to themselves, take your body where it is appreciated.
Being able-bodied, fit, thin, beautiful, etc. is not your cost of admission to a fulfilling life. You don’t owe anyone anything in terms of how your body looks or works. The more you believe that the less they can impact you with their own miserable agenda.
For most of us, it is a long and circuitous road to body acceptance and body love - but every journey begins with a single step, and only you can know what it is that you need to navigate in a world gone mad with impossible beauty standards and endless sources of shame. I’ll leave you with a quote from the groundbreaking 90’s African American girl group Salt-N-Pepa’s hit, I Am the Body Beautiful, that I have always found inspiring:
“There ain't enough words to express how I feel
I'm body beautiful, true, that's for real
Am who I am and that's all I can be
Open up your mind so your eyes can see”
I had a very pleasant surprise the other day when Girl on the Net sent me this link - Check Out The Trailer For "Instructed" With Pandora Blake.
To say I am stoked to be featured on Fleshbot is an understatement. This is one of those career-defining moments - something I never thought would happen to a performer working in a very niche, kinky corner of the porn industry. I don't think it would have happened if I hadn't been collaborating with a famous feminist porn pioneer. Thank you Ms Naughty!
Speaking of Instructed, the behind the scenes videos are now online. There are three in total - pre-shoot and post-shoot interviews, plus the outtakes from filming. A BBC journalist was present on this shoot, and this is your chance to see what he saw and go behind the scenes on the filming of a feminist porn film. To show you just how much fun I was having, I've made some exclusive Dreams of Spanking screengrabs from our behind the scenes videos. Enjoy!
I'm still a bit in love with "Instructed", and I think this collaborative feminist porn film is my best work to date. If you haven't seen it yet, go watch it now and let me know what you think!
A long time ago I had a partner who would tell me to do scary things. Not 'jumping off a bridge' scary things, but sexually scary things – stuff I'd never have thought to do on my own.
“Bend over. Spread yourself. Wait there.”
Those were just his words, though. What he was actually saying was “do you trust me? If you trust me I can do things you've never even thought about before.”
I'd wait, shaking with anticipation and delight, with no clue what he was going to do next. When he came back, with ice, or ginger, or something deviously sadistic with which to torment me, I'd shiver with pleasure – glad that I waited, glad I stayed still. Glad that I'd trusted him.
It's a rare and delicious treat to watch this dynamic played out elsewhere – couples who can experiment within that safety net of trust, and let you in on some of the incredibly hot, filthy games that they play.
'Instructed' is all about that. Not only is it Pandora's most explicit film to date (I don't want to spoil it for you, but think anal play and a phenomenally hot on-camera orgasm), it's also a genuinely gorgeous film that lets us in on one of those trust games of dominance and submission.
If you're a regular reader, you'll know the concept already – we've been so excited about this scene we've been trailing it for a while. Pandora is in a hotel, with written instructions from D. He can't be with her til later that evening, so meanwhile he sets wheels in motion to dominate her from afar – sending a letter that orders her to strip, fondle her breasts while she watches herself in the mirror, and administer a self-spanking with a heavy wooden clothesbrush. The rest? Well, I'll let you see for yourself...
The gorgeous thing about this short film (apart from Pandora – in stockings and fetish heels, on all fours on the bed, she looks filthily hot) is that it so perfectly captures the chemistry between D and Pandora. D doesn't appear in the film, but listening to his instructions in voiceover – calm, quietly growling tones which had me squirming in my seat – you can feel Pandora's anticipation and excitement about following his every command. As Pandora herself explained, you should watch this “if you like gravelly-voiced dominant men with London accents telling you to do filthy, filthy things.” I suspect I'm not the only one for whom that instantly appeals.
But the best thing by far is the demonstration of how achingly, stickily arousing that level of trust can be. This film was genuinely spontaneous on Pandora's part. She knew the outline – that she'd be given instructions to follow – but she had no idea what would be in D's letter until the moment she opened it in front of the camera. He'd clearly thought long and hard about what she'd enjoy, what he'd like to see, and the best way to build her arousal to a stunning, unique, and boundary-testing experience.
He said 'do you trust me?' and she answered with a wholehearted 'yes.' The results are spectacular.
Additional: if you enjoyed this film please do share the scene page with like-minded others! If you share it on Twitter before midnight tonight, you can win one month's membership to Dreams of Spanking.
Hands up who loves school? Well, school punishment scenes, at any rate. Even if you didn't enjoy your time at school, and dreaded getting detention when you were younger, there's something about school fantasy as an adult. Personally I think there's an irresistible appeal about both of our latest school-themed Dreams of Spanking updates.
Alexander Knight stars in the amazing film 'Unearned Punishment', suffering a harsh-looking caning from headmaster Dr Richard Barton. There's a delicious build up to his undeserved punishment caning as he stands with Pandora Blake outside the headmaster's office, both wincing in sympathy as they overhear the swish and crack of the cane, and the tortured cries of poor Molly Malone being beaten inside.
Check it out if you love school caning stories, and especially if you (like me) love Alexander Knight – he has an exceptional pain face, and looks especially cute in grey school shorts. It's probably because it's the start of summer, but I have a real thing for shorts right now. Luckily this video will keep me topped up on shorts-based filth for a while!
We've also got an amazing schoolgirl spanking photoset for you, and a bonus video to go with it. If you're a fan of the slipper, as well as Pandora's lovely bottom, check out 'Schoolgirl's Secret'. Pandora gets dressed up in a tight school skirt, complete with shirt, tie and inexcusably sexy knee-high socks, then treats herself to a solo spanking.
It's a brilliantly intimate video – just Pandora and the camera – and if you've ever wanted to watch a schoolgirl fantasy behind closed doors, as it were, then this is the perfect opportunity.